21.08.2015

There are traditions that are observed, but they somehow don’t think about the origin, although history could bring some clarity to the meaning of this or that ritual. Such habitual actions include a male handshake at a meeting, parting, sealing a deal, mutual similarity of opinions, approval of actions, etc.

The origin of the “handshake” dates back to ancient times, when it was necessary to demonstrate to the participant in communication one’s partner’s safety without long prefaces. The outstretched hand with the palm turned up convinced the counterpart of the absence of weapons and generally hostile intentions. The knights complicated this ritual, but retained its meaning.

Contact was not always made with the help of the hands, there was a time when the hand was applied to each other's wrist or belt. The goal is still the same, pragmatic, to make sure there are no hidden weapons. Gradually, the handshake became a common sign of greeting between men, a symbol of purity of thoughts and intentions.

Women who historically did not participate in the previous stages of the formation of the ritual were excluded from it. Pants, the expansion and redistribution of roles in public and business life, did not extend this gesture of "good will" to the female environment. Etiquette provides for a handshake certain rules, violation of which can lead to undesirable consequences.

The elder in age and position should extend his hand, the response gesture should not be accompanied by a pause, indecision, which can be regarded as unwillingness to participate in a non-verbal dialogue. Do not shake hands while sitting without removing gloves, contact should not last longer than 2-3 seconds. Cultural nuances are possible.

In Muslim countries, this type of greeting between men and women is unacceptable. With the penetration of customs, for example, from Poland, in relation to ladies, a handshake can be replaced by a kissing hand - a kind of " High style» gesture. Latin American culture introduced the custom of exchanging kisses and hugs instead of shaking hands not only between women, but also between men.

In Russian tradition, it is not customary to stretch out hands to each other over the threshold. This is explained by the fact that in ancient times, dead relatives were buried under the threshold in the hope that their spirit would protect the home from misfortune, and clasping hands over the ashes could disturb the peace of the dead.

The theory of "six handshakes" is interesting, according to which all people are connected with each other by an intersecting chain of acquaintances, consisting of 5 participants. Psychologists say that the strength and manner of shaking hands can determine the character of a person with a high degree of certainty.

Our world, with its crazy pace of life, feminization, seems to have completely forgotten how they used to strictly follow the rules of etiquette. I would like to believe that good manners and politeness in communication between people have not yet lost their significance.
One cannot but agree with folk wisdom that they meet by clothes, but see off by mind, but they may not reach the last if the acquaintance turns out to be crumpled and chaotic. The effectiveness of the first conversation depends on a number of factors: demeanor and etiquette. Someone may ignore excessive assertiveness, but someone will not like it and there will be no talk of continuing the acquaintance.
You can say hello, or wink, or exchange a kiss, but sometimes you can’t do without traditional handshake. The latter is used not only for greetings, but also at parting, during congratulations, as a sign of approval, the conclusion of a certain agreement or reconciliation. This article will discuss the rules for shaking hands during a greeting.

Story
According to one version, handshake appeared in primitive warlike times, according to another - during knightly tournaments. However, the essence of this gesture has always been the same: the men wanted to testify the absence of any weapon, which is why they filed right hand.
Evidence of a more ancient origin of the handshake is that in the Greek fine arts figures of people shaking hands are found already in the fifth century BC. e. In literary sources, the handshake is mentioned in the first century AD in Ovid's poem Metamorphoses. But this is history male handshake, with women - everything is much more complicated. As early as the 19th century, it was not common. In "Rules secular life and etiquette” (published in 1889 in St. Petersburg) said that a lady should not shake a man’s hand, but only give him hers and touch his palm with her fingertips.
Among women, the custom is to shake hands coincides in time with their entry into the workplace in the 1970s.

Types of handshakes
In the book "Ladies' Etiquette. Guide for modern woman Helen Brown, editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan magazine, gives several types of handshakes:

• traditional - ordinary firm handshake;
• French - the interlocutors squeeze each other's wrists;
• comradely - weave hands;
• old-fashioned "feel me" - on the go, their palms barely touch and continue to move.

By pressing and turning the palms, an authoritative, submissive and equal handshake is distinguished. There is also a glove handshake (also called the "politician's handshake") - both hands are involved in the process - but this style is acceptable only with very close business relations.

So, the handshake should not be too relaxed, as well as overly strong. Women should remember that if ordinary life a delicate handshake with your fingertips looks quite acceptable, then in a work environment it will mean shyness and some neuroticism. A strong (but not crunchy!) handshake indicates friendliness and sociability, a principled position in life.
By the way, the SC&C International Agency, conducting a study on the health of European men and women over 50, came to the conclusion that the strongest handshake in Czech women. The second place was taken by the Germans, and the third by the Austrians. It was noted that French and Spanish women have tender hands. And what about the Russian women, who will enter a burning hut and stop a galloping horse? I'm sure they would definitely take first place in this ranking (although is it really necessary?), but Russian women are not used to shaking someone's hand. It seems to be nothing terrible, but refusal to shake hands in European society is considered an insult. That's it.

Back to the handshake process
Do not do it:

• firstly, shake the partner's hand in the air, a slight wiggle is enough,
• secondly, shake hands with both hands, unless you are in a very close relationship with a partner, otherwise it looks like fawning;
• thirdly, to delay the process too much: the optimal duration of a handshake is 3-5 seconds.

The hand must be given confidently, freely, without forgetting about elegance, after all, we are women and in any situation we must look spectacular. And do not forget that the eyes are the window to the soul, so if you want to show your sincerity, look your partner in the eyes and smile while shaking hands.

With gloves or without?
When greeting, a woman may not take off her glove - the only exception is a meeting with a woman much older than herself. But the handshake will still be more sincere if there are no obstacles between the hands of the partners. Not to mention the fact that, for example, it is inconvenient to greet people in thick mittens or fur leather gloves, so it’s better to take them off.
And, of course, it should be remembered that if you have already removed the glove from one hand, then you need to expose the other. Naturally, we are not talking about gloves (like, cloth, silk), which are part of the evening dress.

Who will be the first to give a hand?
It is the woman who decides whether to shake hands with a man or not, but besides gender differences, there are others. Remember, the first to give a hand:

• a) senior in age;
• b) senior in position;
• c) passing by the group.

So if the initiative must come from another person who does not show a desire to shake your hand, you should not insist. IN this case It is better to accept the rules of someone else's game.

Rules
In addition to the rule that determines who will be the first to give a hand, there are several that must be followed:

• 1. If you are sitting and a hand is offered to you, you can not get up, unless the interlocutor is a woman older in age or position.
• 2. Even if you are left-handed, you still need to give your right hand to shake hands. However, if the right one is occupied or damaged, you can file, after apologizing, left hand. In this case, the free hand should not lie in the pocket.
• 3. If you met a friend in the company of people and decided to shake his hand, you should greet everyone in the same way.
• 4. Couples who greet each other with a handshake to avoid crossed hands do it in this order: first the ladies greet each other, then the men, and everything ends with a strong male handshake.

give a hand it is necessary at the last moment of the presentation or greeting - you should not go through the entire hall with an outstretched hand. It is also not customary to shake hands across the table.
And remember, if you are hosting a reception, you will have to shake hands with everyone invited. And if you came to visit, you will have to shake hands to greet even the one with whom this moment are in a quarrel.

Cultural Features
In post-Soviet countries handshake mainly used in business area, although it is not excluded in everyday life.
in Muslim countries no handshake allowed between a woman and a man. Islam does not accept even a brief contact between people of different sexes, unless they are related by blood ties, remember this both when traveling and when meeting representatives of these countries. A similar prohibition is contained in Judaism.
Not accepted to shake hands and among the peoples of Southeast Asia. And in Japan, a handshake is generally considered a foreign gesture, especially for women. Scientists explain this attitude to the handshake by the fact that the Japanese avoid a direct look, which is inevitable when shaking hands, and they also do not like the way they touch each other.
In the UK, shaking hands when greeting is nowhere near as popular as elsewhere. European countries or America. The British rarely shake hands with each other when they meet and almost never do it when they say goodbye. But if they do, then unlike our rules of etiquette, a man should initiate a handshake.
Increased interest in shaking hands observed in Germany: Germans like to shake hands at every opportunity. Like, for example, the Swiss, whose handshake is obligatory element personal meeting.

How can you get around such a custom as kissing a woman's hand? Who does not dream of such worship of male lips? Even now, when this custom in the post-Soviet countries is becoming a thing of the past, it is very common in the West.
If you like to be kissed on your hand, be sure to visit Poland: a true Pole will venerate female hand at every meeting and farewell.
Remember: you should not stretch out your hand for a kiss on the street; do it indoors. If it so happened that they extended their hand to a man, and instead of shaking hands, he decided to kiss her (if only there were more of them!), You should not pull her away, from the outside it doesn’t look very nice. And if you don't want a repeat of this situation, cross that man's name off your "handshake list."
And the most important thing. You should not raise your hand to the face of a man, demanding a kiss, let the interlocutor have a choice: kiss or still shake.

Finally, I would like to note: if you do not know what the rules of etiquette prescribe in a given situation, just be polite. As in the case if the hand you extended for a handshake was not accepted. These are problems of education, fortunately, not yours. Take it easy.

» Handshake, meaning

What does the handshake say? Different types handshakes and their meaning

The handshake is essential element non-verbal communication. It is the key that opens or closes the door, if you give it the necessary and sufficient attention.

Another handshake is a magical test that allows you to quickly and with high certainty find out whether the conversation will end in a positive result easily and naturally or you will have to sweat a lot to get the expected result. Knowing that a too quick handshake portends a fruitless conversation can be very helpful. It will be equally useful to always remember that an exaggerated handshake indicates that you are a very welcome guest.

A slippery, sluggish, firm, short, average, or never-ending handshake - they all say quite a lot about the person you're dealing with. By carefully listening to the sensations of a handshake, you can understand a lot about the interlocutor, avoid wasting valuable time in fruitless negotiations.

What does a handshake mean?

When you meet someone, the first thing you notice is how they extend their hand.

When shaking hands, your interlocutor holds his hand at a right angle, pressing his elbow to his body.

Such a gesture belongs to a subject who has nothing to offer you but his own time. You owe him just because he agreed to accept you. Unless you have an urgent need to convince or seduce this person, keep the time of the visit to a minimum, as you will not receive any benefit. Your interlocutor is unavailable, closed and very prudent.

The hand of your interlocutor remains glued to the body.

This forces you to reach out to shake his hand. In this case, you find yourself face to face with a character who values ​​their privileges and is not inclined to show sympathy the first time.

Your interlocutor extends his hand far away for a handshake.

Most likely, he needs your support, which is why he stretches out his hand - so that you come to the rescue. He becomes fully accessible and will inevitably become disposed and spontaneous. This handshake signifies a friendly welcome.

Your interlocutor without restraint holds out his hand in your direction.

Being an extrovert, he just helps you settle in quickly. He will agree to buy your product or service if you can make an argument AT THE RIGHT moment.

When shaking hands, the interlocutor extends only the tips of his fingers to you.

Such a handshake betrays a fugitive who is responsible for something only in words. It's annoying that later such a person can put on a friendly look, because of which you simply forget about how he faked at the very beginning.

So, the aforementioned handshake is a real confession in feigning or withholding. Your interlocutor pretends to receive you, will pretend to listen to you and promise you to think about it, pretending to see you off. All make-believe, including you!

With a broad smile, the interlocutor holds out his left hand for a handshake, although he is definitely not left-handed.

Even if his right hand is occupied, such a greeting, accompanied by a hypocritical smile, is clean water expression of antipathy. In fencing, at the end of a duel, opponents who do not respect each other shake hands with their left hands. A provocateur, gossip or manipulator will always do it in such a way as to pinch you in the door and get everything out of you. He will repeat lies to find out the truth, betray everyone and everything (make no mistake, you too) and meaningfully pretend that some divine revelations are available to him.

If you have the discernment to anticipate this gesture, we strongly recommend that you do not shake hands with him. At least it will make him respect you. The next time you meet him, give up his left hand if he does not find it possible to extend his right. If, in spite of everything, you will be forced to respond to such a handshake, tie a knot in a handkerchief. This knot will remind you of what awaits you if you contact this person.

The interlocutor with a smile shakes your hands and forearms with both hands.

If your interlocutor shakes your hands and forearms with both hands, you are trapped. He owns the initiative and neutralizes all your defensive and offensive mechanisms from the very beginning of the game. Such a handshake can also indicate that both heroes are in a difficult situation and need each other. This kind of handshake betrays a predator.

The interlocutor shakes your hand, folding his in the form of a duck's beak.

Another handshake that tells you that you are not particularly welcome, or that the other person does not respect you very much. This type full of contempt does not even consider it necessary to hide his attitude. He uses this simple manipulation to force you to open the cards. If you're lucky, you might be able to see how his behavior towards you changes. He will not even deny himself the pleasure of justifying the coldness at the beginning of the conversation with some kind of misunderstanding. Hypocritical and vicious, he will quickly pluck you like a chicken if you give him the opportunity.

Most often, you can observe a medium handshake with a bent arm. The arm is bent at a right or obtuse angle, the handshake is vigorous, but without excess. Your interlocutor is generally constructive, but wants to learn more and get to know you better. A priori, he is moderately open, but everything will change if you manage to arouse his interest. A bent hand seems less friendly than a long handshake. Be as careful as possible if you meet with an interlocutor for work, no matter employment or cooperation. A long handshake will be the exception, a medium handshake will be the norm, and as for the short handshake, it belongs to people who are powerful or posing as such.

The meaning of the hand when shaking hands

Now consider the location of the hand when shaking hands. Most often, the interlocutor's hand is located vertically and parallel to yours.

• horizontal palm facing up (arch support);
• horizontal palm facing down (pronator);
• vertical palm.

Most handshakes occur in the latter way, but it also happens that when meeting, a handshake is involved in the championship game.

The subject extending his hand palm down is subordinate, upward is dominant. The hand turned up has at its disposal large quantity handshakes than turned down. By observing the position of the hands during a handshake, you can instantly determine the mutual hierarchical position of the greeters. The person who extends his hand palm down is under the direct influence of the one whose hand is turned palm up.

What then is a vertical handshake? Neither dominant nor subordinate, but equal. From the very beginning, your interlocutor wants to be equal with you.

It also happens when, when shaking hands, the hands meet, but the palms do not touch. Although your interlocutor greets you with a wide smile and vigorously extends his hand, there is no exchange of energy in such a handshake. The palms are separated from each other. You will not pay attention to the manner of shaking hands if your thoughts are occupied with something else, for example upcoming conversation. Meanwhile air bag clearly indicates that your palm and the palm of the interlocutor avoid each other. There is no sympathy in the meeting menu.

The repulsion often comes from the one who holds out his hand turned inward, palm down. Those who turn palm down give up the initiative from the very beginning of the game, while those who turn up try to impose their superiority at the same time. You are an unexpected guest. And if at the end of the meeting such a handshake is repeated again, then you will receive confirmation of your first observation.

handshake distance

Separating you from the interlocutor shaking hands, the distance is as (if not more) important, as well as the manner of shaking hands. It is a reliable indicator of the level of location of your counterpart. We strive to stay close to people who are close and sympathetic to us, and away from unsympathetic people. Comfortable interpersonal distance with loved ones and friends - down to a minimum, with colleagues - somewhere around 0.5-1 m. It is better to stay even further with your boss.

A sharp reduction in the distance during a handshake can lead to a loss of orientation in the semantic structure of the conversation. Interlocutors become somehow uncomfortable. By the reaction of the interlocutor, you can see that you are violating the distance. If you invaded her/his personal space while shaking hands, he will feel uncomfortable and will try to move away from you. One leans over his desk, the other leans back in his chair and thus maintains an escape distance. If it is impossible to move away (for example, in a cramped elevator), he will take a closed posture (arms crossed on his chest, legs crossed, etc.).

Energetic handshake

You probably were not particularly surprised when the farewell after the negotiations was accompanied by more vigorous handshakes than the meeting; an indispensable condition - in the process of dialogue, mutual sympathy was born. It also happens vice versa, when, after unsuccessful attempts to agree on a farewell handshake, it is omitted with the tacit consent of both parties.

In any case, be very careful about the manner in which you shake hands. However short the handshake is, the joining of the hands must be pleasant, otherwise it is in your best interest to keep the distance.

Quite a large part of your feelings and the feelings of your interlocutor is expressed in the blink of an eye at the contact of the palms. social intelligence of your hands is a powerful subconscious signal of likes or dislikes, which your consciousness hides as it is conquered by the goal achieved.

firm handshake

Every time the interlocutor shakes your hand, he squeezes it too tightly.

For example, when the boss crushes your hand when shaking, he demonstrates his strong-willed character. He obviously lacks confidence, otherwise there would be no need for this boasting.

Such a handshake is often found in those who are in search of conflict in order to get rid of the painful feeling of inferiority. It is quite popular, although far from the only and not the most The best way raise self-esteem when you feel vulnerable. If you react with a grimace of exaggerated pain, he will love it. Your facial expressions will warm his vanity. “You are strong,” your hand will say, clamped as in a vise.

sluggish handshake

Through this tactile exchange, you can either pass on an energy signal to another or refuse to do so. A sluggish hand is the very case when energy exchange is denied.

A limp handshake usually belongs to a weak-willed person, even if he wields some power. Do not trust the scope of his activities or reputation, they are inflated; trust his handshake, which is more eloquent than his fake smile. This is rot. A limp handshake usually belongs to a perpetual student or politician whose ambitions are infinitely inflated in comparison to his charisma and real leadership potential.

mechanical handshake

The interlocutor shakes your hand, looking over your shoulder. This is a mechanical handshake. It indicates a lack of respect for the owner of the outstretched hand, which is perceived as something ghostly.

Languid handshake

The interlocutor languidly holds her hand palm down in yours, as if for a kiss. The handshake takes precedence over her complaints and lamentations. Your interlocutor is really submissive or very sensual, which can get along great. This type of handshake betrays a submissive woman in love with the male power or irresistibility of her interlocutor. Such contact is pleasant, although a little sluggish.

Your interlocutor shakes hands with you with mock languor, meanwhile you noticed that he greeted other people present differently. Such a special handshake means a refusal to recognize you as equal or even worthy.

Handshake with fingers

Instead of extending their hand to you, they only extend their index finger to you.

In the eyes of the interlocutor only virtual image, which will dissipate ten seconds after you leave. Your interlocutor is symbolically preparing to say goodbye to you, without even meeting you. Such a gesture betrays demotivation, additionally colored with distrust towards the one to whom he gives a finger instead of an open hand.

If your interlocutor has a habit of shaking hands like this, know that he belongs to the category of people who take up the matter only superficially and keep their promises in exceptional cases.

Is there a difference in the meaning of the gesture depending on the number of fingers extended? Hardly. In any case, we do not recommend approaching a person shaking your hand in this way. And if, despite everything, you still have to endure a handshake for family or any other reasons, come up with something so that next time you don’t shake hands; you can try copying the gesture and extend your finger in response

elusive handshake

When shaking hands, the gaze slips somewhere far away. A mesmerizing sight, because this pose makes the manipulator look almost biblical prophet. "I see even further than you can guess" - such is hidden meaning this handshake.

Some Democratic politicians overuse this view unnecessarily and do not realize that they are devaluing their public image. A dictator may have the same habit, but he is sure that he does not risk losing the votes of the electorate because of some kind of gesture. Take a closer look at the small bosses with a similar look that you have to meet in the office, it can be educational.

When shaking hands, the interlocutor's hand slips away like an eel. As soon as you have time to shake his hand, yours is completely empty, hovering in the air. If the interlocutor shakes hands in an elusive way, run! The duality of man is highest degree hypocrisy, and you will see it very soon. You are standing in front of a fraudster who best case give you a fake smile. You have to be completely blind and deaf to trust him. He is stingier than Moliere's Harpagon (a character personifying greed). If you are going to sell him something, even if the deal goes through, he will find many reasons why you will lower the price.

Shoulder touch while shaking hands

Standing to your side, the interlocutor puts his right hand on your left shoulder. Shoulder squeezing is typically manipulative intimacy if it appears outside of a friendship or love acquaintance.

The same can happen on the right side, but then the meaning will be completely different. The right shoulder is the symbolic center of ambition, and putting your hand on it, your interlocutor is probably playing overlord.

For example, the boss leaves his office to go around all departments of the enterprise and greet employees and say an additional word of encouragement to everyone. After shaking hands, he necessarily holds his hand on the right shoulder of the employee.

Therefore, touching the shoulder is a common sign of an aggressive (or intrusive) handshake.

Invading (aggressive) handshake

It also happens with touching other parts of the body. This kind of handshake is a bit intrusive, and the physical intrusion is just a prelude to the psychological one. The conqueror is almost always a liar. He lures you to his field by force. He pulls you into his desires. His handshake is a micro-message, expressing his goals briefly and clearly. He is counting on you completely and completely even before you agree to anything.

If such a handshake comes from one another, then there is nothing more to talk about. However, there are such friends with whom it is better to be enemies. But if they are in a business relationship with you, then you urgently need to take it back. Your interlocutor expects to ask from you much more than you will be able to offer him. He wants to influence or manipulate you from the first minute they meet.

The classic conqueror is the cattle driver, and physical contact is his weapon of choice. He will squeeze your hand with such enthusiasm, as if you met after twenty years of separation. He will grab your elbow, cling to your sleeve, emphasizing his speech, in short, he will take over your body. Running off the field in such conditions is not very convenient. But if you remember this method of manipulation, in case of alarm, your distrust will receive the necessary evidence.

Handshake with two hands

If the interlocutor shakes your hand with both hands, then he portrays friendliness, which he does not feel at all. Outwardly, this is an ardent gesture, but such a handshake betrays the predatory nature of the one who performs it. The interlocutor pretends that you are the same person whom you have been looking forward to for so long and who has finally arrived.

What does a two-handed handshake mean? If your boss shakes your hand like this, it's best to prepare in advance for petty niggles or even punishment. If we are talking about the visit of the merchant, spit on all his offers, because he only needs to expand his business, and you are a fortunate victim who will allow him to get out of a predicament. Why does he need both hands? Perhaps in order to imprison your mechanisms of determination...

Long handshake

The interlocutor squeezes your hand for an exaggeratedly long time, in fact, does not let go of it.

The longer the handshake, the more fake it is. Such a handshake is an act of manipulation, a kind of covert submission under the guise of friendliness. Logically squeeze the right hand, which symbolizes the left hemisphere of the brain, that is, rational intelligence.

Abnormal handshake length is a carefully calculated way to engulf and subdue your logical thinking and disable defensive reactions. A long handshake is one of the favorite gestures of all kinds of gurus. He does not need you, but your unconditional acceptance of his doctrine and submission to his desires.

In seduction, the initiator of an endless handshake tries to convey a love message to a person whom he really likes, but to whom he does not want to declare his love. He holds his hand for as long as possible, looking for the slightest hint of reciprocity or rejection on the face of his victim. With this handshake, a double grip is possible at the level of the wrist, the center of a sense of security and insecurity. An unconscious way to calm the interlocutor by expanding the channel of emotional exchange.

If this is your friend, then it is better to keep your distance, since his friendship may depend entirely on the benefits derived from it. The gesture is aimed at penetrating your defense system. Along with this, the handshake in question is often accompanied by what is called carnivorous hands - your hand is enclosed in the jaw clenched hands interlocutor.

"Can I get my hand back?" This witty joke is practically the only way restore a sufficient distance with the manipulator without touching it too much. If you watch his gaze carefully as he loosens his grip, you may notice a glint that betrays disappointment. As if he realized that you frustrated his designs and yours. critical thinking worked again. Don't let your guard down throughout the conversation; exaggeratedly long handshakes are synonymous with a hidden threat from someone who is trying to take possession of your hand, and therefore your mind.

Sitting handshake

The owner of the office shakes your hand without even bothering to get up to greet you. No overlord rises to greet his vassal. If he had done so, he would have signaled hierarchical equality. The boss who receives you in this way needs any confirmation of his shattered authority. But if he gets up to walk you to the door, you can be sure that you won him over. If he lets you go without getting up, he thinks you've wasted his precious time. It is by such trifles that you can evaluate the results of a meeting or meeting.

Who is the first to give a hand in a handshake?

If your interlocutor, when meeting, is the first to extend his hand for a handshake, then you have carte blanche. If you are, then you will have to work hard to convince him of the benefits of your visit.

In any game, the one who extends his hand first loses more often. Therefore, the popular expression “The main thing is the ability to pause, the bigger the artist, the longer he has a pause. Do not pause unnecessarily, and if you took it, pull it as long as you can! can be applied to the handshake. If you are waiting for the interlocutor to be the first to reach out to you, try to pause until the last.

Handshake refusal

Did one of those present refuse to shake your hand? Forgets or refuses, leaving his hands in his pockets, crossed or lowered along the body? A missed handshake is a sign of either lack of respect or contempt on the part of your interlocutor. Do not shake hands with the enemy and boor. Some ultra-shy people also find it difficult to step up and shake hands with their colleagues.

If this happens, go out, you don't even have to apologize. Refusal to shake hands- this is pure recognition of antipathy. You'll get great benefit, much larger than what you could claim after the meeting. When someone refuses to shake an outstretched hand, this is a signal of the impossibility of an agreement.

Adapted from: Messinger J. C. Ces gestes qui vous trahissent - Paris: France, 2013

It is difficult to imagine a male team without handshakes, despite the fact that no one is hiding a dagger in their sleeve. Nevertheless, this tradition is so strong that no one even thinks of abandoning the ritual. Today, a handshake is used in greeting, farewell, congratulations, approval, agreement or reconciliation. In Christian countries, shaking hands is most common among men. Handshakes are rarely appropriate between a man and a woman. This usually happens in a business environment. But, for example, in the Islamic world, inter-gender handshakes are strictly prohibited. We have tried to understand how an ancient tradition continues to have such significance for modern society and looked into the history of handshakes.

First handshakes

This knightly ritual most likely originated from the movement of the hands, showing that they do not have weapons. In Greek art, figures of people shaking hands are found already in the fifth century BC. In literary sources, the handshake is mentioned in the first century AD in Ovid's poem "Metamorphoses".

In the culture of the Slavs, the touch of the hands had a special sacred meaning. The joining of hands was a metaphor for the exchange of energy and strength. The ritual of this belief was round dances and handshakes in the male environment. Among men, the sacralization of the handshake meant the absence of enmity and encroachment on the property of those who shook hands. With those with whom they did not want to have close affairs, they limited themselves to raising their hats, from which the expression “hat acquaintance” came from.

The history of the ritual

The purpose of the handshake is to show good intentions and goodwill. From the very beginning of the ritual, shaking hands meant a successful deal or a compromise between the parties. This is how the deals were sealed back in Ancient Babylon and this is how politicians agreed among themselves in the 20th century.

Sports handshakes

In most sports, it is customary to shake hands with the opponent before a fight. In many sports, the handshake has a literally ritual meaning. For example, in karate there is a ritual in which an opponent with a higher rank is answered with a handshake as a sign of emphasized respect, always with both hands, and at the end of the fight, both opponents already shake hands with both hands in order to emphasize that his opponent had a good fight and is worthy. rival.

Simple Rules

A handshake completes or immediately follows greetings. You don't have to walk across the room with your hand outstretched to say hello to a person. For a handshake, the right hand is served. In some cases (for example, the right hand is occupied or damaged), it is possible to give the left hand. The handshake should not be too strong (especially for a woman), but not sluggish either.
Handshake distance should be moderate. Stretching out, do not stretch out your hand, as if pushing away the interlocutor (if this is not a business meeting and the person is unpleasant to you, so you can demonstrate it to him), do not pull him too close to you, as if you will not let her go again (this gesture can be used with a friendly handshake).

In ancient times, people showed their open palms to oncoming people to show their benevolent attitude. This meant that they were empty and contained no weapons or other dangerous items. Similarly, the tradition of clinking glasses arose.

If now touching the glass is light and rather symbolic, then earlier force was applied to this process, and the wine could overflow from one glass to another. Thus, the guests were warned that their drink could be poisoned, because if so, the host of the celebration himself would suffer. But back to handshakes, now this gesture has the same meaning as in ancient times, except that it has changed from showing open palms to physical touch with the hands.

What is the non-verbal meaning of a handshake?

There are three main types of handshake, in which it becomes clear who is in what position in the meeting, who is ready to make concessions, and who is determined. And you can learn about all this just by looking at your palm and the palm of your partner during a handshake. But first things first.

Dominant handshake

Pay attention to where your palm is pointing. If it is parallel to the floor, or more simply, lies on top of the palm of your colleague, then you are the master of the situation. Thus, you show that you want to lead the negotiations and the last word is yours. But it can also serve as a signal to your colleague (if he, of course, knows about such non-verbal details) that you are a dangerous player and it is quite advisable to keep you at a distance.

Equal handshake

The approximate equality of partners is indicated by palms in vertical position relatively one to one. Synonyms for such a handshake are equality, mutual respect. This type is most often encountered, because on the one hand people show their reciprocity, and on the other hand, it is possible to hide the true power intentions under the guise of innocent mutual equality.

submissive handshake

In this case, too, everything is clear. The essence is the same as in the dominant type, only now it is your palm that is directed upwards towards the palm of a friend or partner. If there is a winner, then there is a loser; if there is a dominant one, then there is a subordinate. Have you guessed what role is assigned to the one who holds out his hand with his palm up? It is clear that this person feels insecure and is ready to give up the palm.

What if a person intentionally uses a dominant handshake?

Yes, really big bosses are used to using this type and automatically extend their hand palm down. What do you do if there is no desire to become a "victim"?

There is one simple trick, but it does not hurt to rehearse it with friends in advance, because improvisation may not meet the expectations. When you are served, take a step forward with your left foot as you serve yours.

Then move your right leg. Your goal is the position to the left of the partner. Consequently, you get the opportunity to align the colleague's hand and greet him equally. Usually people take a step forward when shaking hands with their right foot, leaving no room for themselves to “correct” the situation. You can understand the whole essence of this method only in practice.

Who should lend a hand first?

A handshake in business is the only kind of greeting with a physical touch. The position of the person matters the most. The senior in authority decides whether to extend a hand to him or not. If there are persons of the same position, the eldest in age will be the first to give a hand. You can not greet across the table or by crossing your arms with other people who also shake hands. Wait your turn.

As for women, there are different opinions as to whether or not to shake hands. Moreover, in the West such a question does not arise at all - everything is simple there: colleagues of different sexes often extend their hands to each other. In the post-Soviet space, there is tightness.

It is important to know only one thing: only a woman can give a hand first, if she wishes. The man does not make this gesture first. And interestingly, the linguistic nuance, the man holds out his hand, and the woman gives.

Types of handshakes

Above, we looked at the types of handshakes and their non-verbal nature, and now it's time to look at other types, because this gesture may not be limited to a simple handshake.

Handshake with two hands

Very popular among politicians. The person extends his right hand, as usual, and with his left hand supports the interlocutor's hand. Using such a gesture, the businessman wants to emphasize that he can be trusted. But it is not recommended to do something like this at the first meeting, you may seem insincere and feigned.

Very strong handshake

If your partner shakes his hand until the fingers crunch, he is just an ill-mannered and aggressive person who is used to taking his own without asking or permission.

Handshake with outstretched hand

It is customary to squeeze your hand at the elbow, but if your friend holds out a straight hand like a pole, this means that he is a secretive person who does not want to let at least you into his zone of trust. Also in a similar way there is a greeting with people from countryside who are accustomed to long distances between two interlocutors. This is due to the presence in the area where they live, a large free area per person and the absence of the need to crowd, as in the city at a stop at rush hour. Hence the habit of keeping a large physical distance.

Handshake with a pat on the shoulder

Permissible between people who know each other well or in situations with very pronounced emotions (for example, meeting old companions). As with the two-handed shake, the person wants to express their special greeting and desire for a closer relationship. WITH strangers the opposite effect occurs - they begin to be suspicious of such manifestations of familiarity.