Any conversation starts with choosing a topic. In its turn, choosing a conversation topic depends on many factors: on the reason for which people gathered, on the cultural level of the interlocutors, on the commonality of their interests. The topic of conversation, if possible, should be interesting for all participants. Among people you don’t know well, you can start a conversation about a movie, a play, a concert, an exhibition, a book you’ve read, or the latest scientific achievements. Usually everyone is also attracted to political events. However, in the context of “general politicization,” beware that the conversation on this topic turns into heated political battles. When choosing a topic, you need to take into account the person you are talking to, the place where you are, and the mood of those around you.
The one who admires the sunset is not told about his work plans, and the one discussing the work plan is not told about his party yesterday. They do not complain in public or in the presence of a third person about their affairs of the heart or domestic quarrels, as this can put the interlocutor in an awkward position.
It is impolite to talk about a topic in which no one present can take part. A tactful interlocutor conducts a conversation with everyone present, without giving any obvious preference to anyone.
In society, people do not tell scary stories and generally avoid anything that might evoke difficult memories or a gloomy mood.
In the patient's room they do not talk about death, they do not tell the patient that he looks bad, on the contrary, they try to cheer him up.
On the road, especially on an airplane, people don’t talk about air disasters; in a car, they don’t talk about car accidents.
There is no talk at the table about things that could spoil the appetite or the pleasure of eating. The food on the table is not criticized or viewed with disapproval.
Rules for conversation. The owner of the house or table should quietly direct the conversation, trying to start a general conversation and drawing shy guests into it. It’s better to say less yourself. The owner makes sure that the conversation is conducted within the bounds of decency. A joke or anecdote, said by the way, is quite appropriate, but subject to good taste, wit and storytelling ability. Vulgarity is unacceptable in the company, regardless of the form in which it is presented.
During a conversation, they do not show excessive curiosity. It is impolite to persistently penetrate into other people's intimate affairs. This, as already said, is tactless. Therefore, for example, it is not customary to ask about a woman’s age. It’s even more indecent to make fun of her reluctance to talk about it.
You can only speak about others in a correct tone. Everyone should feel for themselves where simple interest in a person ends and where gossip begins or, even worse, slander. An ironic smile, a meaningful look, an ambiguous remark often discredits a person more than outright abuse.
The ability to listen to your interlocutor, as already mentioned, is an indispensable requirement of speech etiquette. This, of course, does not mean that you need to sit silently. But it is tactless to interrupt another. Therefore, no matter how bored you are, you must be patient to listen to the end of the other person’s thought or story. When talking together, you also need to be able to listen. It happens that you have to remain silent when you feel that your words can inflame passions. You should not start a heated argument in defense of your opinion. Such arguments spoil the mood of those present.
Youth should avoid arguing with elders. Even when the elder is really wrong, and the younger one has not been able to convince him that he is right, it is better to stop the argument and switch the conversation to another topic. Young people are generally better off waiting for their elders to engage them in conversation. In turn, elders should give young people the opportunity to speak without interrupting them.
A person who has the gift of wit must use it tactfully, without ridiculing others or making fun of them. You shouldn’t go out of your way just to make a joke.
In relation to the self-confident “know-it-all”, a well-mannered person behaves modestly and calmly, pretending not to notice his mistakes. If it is necessary to correct the speaker, they try to do it delicately, without offending him, resorting to expressions like: “Excuse me, were you mistaken?” Anyone can make a mistake. But the one who notices the mistake of another should not speak in a didactic tone.
It is impolite to correct the narrator with rude phrases like: “that’s not true,” “you don’t understand anything about this,” “it’s clear as day and known to every child,” etc. The same idea can be expressed politely, without insulting the other, for example: “I’m sorry, but I don’t agree with you,” “It seems to me that you are wrong...”, “I have a different opinion...”, etc.
If everyone speaks the same language, it is impolite to speak to someone else. If among those gathered there is a person who does not speak the local language, they try to translate the conversation for him.
It is also impolite to separate yourself from society in order to organize a separate “club”. People in the company do not whisper, it is perceived as an insult. If they need to say something important, they discreetly retire.
When talking with others, do not engage in extraneous activities: do not read, do not talk to your neighbor, do not play with any object, do not examine the ceiling, do not look dreamily out the window or wander your gaze past your interlocutor. This behavior is insulting. You need to be attentive to your interlocutor, look into his eyes, but not defiantly, but calmly and kindly.
A well-mannered person does not color his speech with strong expressions, does not scold, does not gossip, and does not interrupt others.
Don’t chatter, but don’t drawl your words either; Don't mutter under your breath, but don't shout either. Do not nudge your partner with your elbow when talking, do not pat him on the shoulder, do not touch his buttons or sleeves, and do not brush away specks of dust from his clothes. Don't gesticulate or spit. Loud, attention-grabbing laughter is indecent.
So high a culture of speech, compliance with the rules speech behavior And speech etiquette are designed to help us achieve success in communication and mutual understanding with other people. But this communication, as a rule, takes place under certain conditions, which can be divided into three groups: a) communication in a narrow circle - in the family, alone with a friend or loved one; b) formal official communication at the level of business contacts - at work or study, in various institutions; c) communication at an unofficial level - home holidays, visiting and receiving guests. All these types of communication have their own rules, which coincide in some ways and differ in others. But if the etiquette of “one-on-one” communication is, as a rule, unwritten and dictated mainly by one’s own tact and intuition, if the etiquette of official relations is determined by statutes, internal rules and official instructions, then the etiquette of informal “events” has its own differences , which we have to consider. So:
We are visiting, visiting us...
Reception of guests at home or visiting Friends have their own rules that you need to know and, if possible, follow. Visiting guests- This is something between an official and an unofficial event. On the one hand – the solemnity and “public” atmosphere, on the other – a narrower, more familiar circle of friends. This determines the specific features of behavior when visiting and receiving guests. We present here the rules for organizing and conducting “adult” receptions and visits, keeping in mind that young people need to know these rules now and follow some of them.
Invite guests For a large reception you should do it in advance: 10 days or a week in advance. In any case, you should name the exact time and you can name the reason: “On the occasion of the first day of spring,” or: “To celebrate the old New Year.” If we invite guests to a birthday party, we don’t say the reason - it’s assumed that the guests will guess. But you can also clarify: “The culprit is Alya.” You can just invite someone “for coffee” three days in advance or even the day before. As a rule, guests are invited for the afternoon, often for dinner. Sunday dinners are rare; relatives are usually invited to them.
You can invite guests by phone, in writing or in person. We should not invite people at the same time that we know are unpleasant to each other. You should not invite a person for the third time if he has not accepted your invitation twice.
Greets guests usually the owner, who helps those who come undress and leads them into the room. The hostess, leaving the kitchen to greet the guests, takes off her apron. If she was already sitting, she stands up to meet the guests. When giving a greeting kiss, remember that leaving lipstick on someone else's cheek is not at all a sign of good manners. The hosts greet guests not in home clothes, but in more elegant ones, in shoes, not slippers.
It is even more inconvenient to offer slippers to guests. This is contrary to hospitality and speaks of bad taste. People usually come to visit smartly dressed, they want to look beautiful, but slippers can ruin both the look and the mood. Guests in slippers inevitably start talking about the price of potatoes or shortages of hot water.
How long should wait for late guests?
If they are the only ones invited, then before they arrive. Guests can be late even two hours, which does not give the owners the right to leave home. If the preliminary agreement was not exact, but tentative (“let’s take a look”), then after an hour and a half you can consider yourself free from the obligation to wait.
Responsibilities of the owners In addition to the traditional treat, much more is included. Here are some rules about what hosts should and shouldn't do.
The housewife should not be in the kitchen all the time. Refreshments should be arranged in advance so that when guests arrive you can sit with everyone at the table. After dinner, the hostess should be with the guests, leaving washing the dishes “for later.”
It is completely unacceptable to force guests to drink. This is bad form. The host takes care that the guests do not have empty glasses, but the guest empties them at the pace at which he wishes. Do not add to a glass that still contains alcohol.
It is completely unacceptable to criticize the dishes that the wife has prepared (which some husbands sometimes do). Even if something failed, the husband should not emphasize this; only the hostess herself can self-critically note that the roast is too tough or the pie is not baked.
Saying goodbye to guests the owners go out into the hallway. If it is late, the owner should make sure that all women have escorts. Men should help the ladies get dressed and, if possible, accompany them home. When some of the guests have already left, those who remained should not discuss those who left. People may rightly think that the same fate awaits them.
One of the problems of “visiting” – no longer for the hosts, but for the guests – is selection and presentation of gifts and souvenirs.
When choosing a gift, you should always clearly understand who it is intended for, since gifts to officials, relatives, friends or acquaintances have their own specifics.
Remember, only friends and close relatives can give personal items. A good gift can be perfumes, cosmetics, leather goods, beautiful dishes. It is appropriate to give a box of chocolates to friends (it is not customary to give loose sweets), cognac, champagne.
Never give a watch to anyone - this is a bad omen both in the West and in the East. But well-published books and albums are considered a wonderful gift.
Flowers are always a universal gift for women. Unlike other gifts, flowers are given after removing the packaging (with the exception of decorative cellophane packaging). Flowers can be given for any occasion, but it should be done at the appropriate time. For example, it is inconvenient to bring a bouquet to a crowded lunch or dinner party. A woman can give flowers to a woman or an elderly man, but to a young man only if he is seriously ill.
And try not to forget what you gave before, so as not to present the same thing again (except, of course, flowers).
It's nice to talk to an intelligent person. Nowadays, live communication is becoming a luxury, and people value good interlocutors. Even an insignificant conversation will become more pleasant if you know how to conduct it correctly, how to direct it in the right direction.
Your effectiveness in negotiations directly depends on the culture of communication. You must understand what behavior is now appropriate and what is unacceptable. The basic rules for constructing a conversation are not that complicated. To improve your communication efficiency, use this guide.
Tone of conversation
During a conversation, you should always watch your vocabulary, intonation and tone. Slang, professional jargon, and rarely used words are not always or everywhere appropriate. The same phrase can sound completely different depending on the tone in which it is spoken. Even if you are irritated, you should not show it to others. Calmness, politeness, confidence, thoroughness are your best allies in conducting a constructive dialogue.
Separately, it is worth mentioning the confidential intonation - it allows the interlocutor to feel on an equal footing with you, although, perhaps, you surpass him in knowledge in some matter.
A conversation in a confidential intonation should proceed slowly and better if the initiator is a more senior (significant, status) interlocutor.
Don't forget about your smile. It is much more pleasant to look at a smiling face than at a “beech”, and thus your counterpart will subconsciously associate you with positive emotions.
The topic of conversation
Conversations can be casual, when topics of discussion are chosen spontaneously, and business-like, when a specific issue is expected to be discussed. A business conversation requires preparation and organization; you must at least be competent in the topic. If the communication is business, do not be distracted by discussing other problems.
A casual conversation requires much more developed speech etiquette skills from the interlocutors. The main rule is don’t tell your interlocutor anything you wouldn’t want to hear yourself.
There are other rules:
- you should not talk about things that, one way or another, may offend your interlocutor - no one likes to discuss unpleasant topics;
- the question you are discussing should be of interest to your conversation partner; something highly specialized or scientific is not the best choice;
- a person’s modesty adorns him: you should not praise yourself and extol your own merits, this is unlikely to interest your interlocutor - his actions say much more about a person than his words;
- discussion of a third party who is not present during the conversation is also not always appropriate: gossiping and gossiping is bad manners for real small talk;
- a good joke is a decoration for a conversation, but only if it is appropriate.
- if a dispute arises, you shouldn’t turn it into a quarrel, it’s much easier to do this than you might think - you just need to maintain respect for your interlocutor: don’t label, don’t “get personal,” don’t ridicule someone else’s point of view, and don’t impose your own ;
- The stage of ending the conversation is important: the conversation does not need to be artificially prolonged - you can be considered a bore; it is much more effective to consolidate a pleasant impression of yourself by politely saying goodbye.
Listening skills
This skill is the criterion of a person’s communication skills. People love to talk about themselves, and by listening, you can form the right impression about your interlocutor. Listen carefully and nod. This gesture not only means agreement, but also demonstrates your interest.
Show interest only this interest must be sincere. Being “involved” in the conversation and not being false will make you always a welcome guest. An excellent technique for maintaining a conversation is clarifying questions. They may be formulated as follows: “Do you mean that...?”, “Do you mean that...?”
Everyone knows from childhood that interrupting is rude, but in the heat of debate they often forget about it. Don’t interrupt, let the person express his arguments to the end, don’t confuse him. After all, you can only draw the right conclusions by listening.
Internal comfort
You should be comfortable during the conversation. Both on a psychological and physiological level. Otherwise, it will be very difficult for you to feel that inner interest that makes you a pleasant interlocutor. Nothing should distract you.
Being in a comfortable state, you can easily make a natural adjustment. This is an NLP technique, the essence of which is that you take the same pose as the interlocutor and use similar gestures.
This technique must be carried out unnoticed, otherwise the adjustment may be regarded as an antics and will not be counted in your favor.
To learn how to conduct a conversation correctly, watch the following video.
Speech is the main means of communication between people. But modern communication is not limited to the banal transfer of information. At the moment, communication has acquired a lot of conventions and formalities and has turned into a real culture. It is the responsibility of every person to follow the rules of dialogue.
Structure
Dialogue is mutual communication, the meaning of which is the alternating remarks of the interlocutors. Studying the rules for constructing a dialogue should begin with an analysis of its structure, which is shown in the table.
Laws of rhetoric of dialogue
To understand what rules of dialogue you should try to adhere to, you need to study the basic laws of communication. Here's what we're talking about:
- The law of resistance to the new. Any non-standard idea that differs from usual beliefs is usually received with hostility. Therefore, if you want to emerge victorious from an argument, you must develop a clear and convincing argumentation system. You must think about how your interlocutors will react to your speech in advance.
- The law of dialogical socialization. Its essence is that you must always respond to the speaker. Even if you are busy at the moment or making a speech yourself, it is worth distracting yourself, listening to your opponent and giving him an answer.
- Law of boundary conditions of invention. Classic rules of dialogue imply taking into account cultural and national traditions. The outcome of the conversation largely depends on compliance with the conditions of rhetorical invention.
- Law of elimination of harm. When listening to the opinion of your interlocutor, you should think in advance about the negative consequences that accepting this point of view may lead to.
Conditions for dialogue
It would seem that nothing could be simpler than a conversation between two people. However, for communication to be productive, numerous rules of dialogue must be observed. But, first of all, the conditions must be met, without which conversation is impossible. Namely:
- It is important that interlocutors use the same verbal and non-verbal techniques. Otherwise, confusion and misunderstanding will arise, which may develop into conflict.
- General subject of discussion. This is a set of issues on which there may be a contradiction or agreement between the interlocutors.
- Desire or need for communication. There must be an emotional and informational response between the interlocutors.
- Cooperation. Participants in the dialogue must be able to listen to each other and give appropriate answers to the questions posed.
- Freedom. Each side of the dialogue is free in its beliefs, statements and arguments. And yet, physical or moral pressure, as well as threats and insults, are unacceptable.
General rules
The rules of dialogue in Russian and other languages of the world may differ slightly. However, there are general points that need to be observed no matter where in the world you are:
- You need to listen more than talk. Speech “narcissism” is unacceptable. You must listen carefully and analyze the arguments of your interlocutor.
- Prepare a dialogue. Before you go to a meeting with your interlocutor, sketch out a rough agenda for the conversation and a list of questions you plan to ask. If you roughly understand what your interlocutor will ask you about, think through your answers.
- Take turns speaking. Remember that in dialogue the interlocutors are equal. Firstly, it is unacceptable to interrupt your opponent. Secondly, monologues that are too long are considered bad form.
- Think before you say anything. Sometimes what seems trivial to you can upset or offend your interlocutor. Naturally, after this there will be no constructive dialogue.
- Do not let your interlocutors know about your problems or joys. Your personal life should remain behind the door of your office (conference room, restaurant, etc.). It is also prohibited to ask your interlocutor questions of a personal nature.
Requirements for questions
The rules for conducting dialogue can be detailed by putting forward certain requirements for its components. In particular, the question must meet the following parameters:
- The wording of the question should be brief and specific without complex grammatical structures.
- The question must contain temporal, spatial and other parameters that must be taken into account when formulating the answer.
- It is unacceptable to use ambiguous words in questions without additional explanation.
- It is unacceptable for control questions to follow immediately after the main ones.
- The question should indicate the possibility of alternative answers.
- An interrogative sentence must be formulated in the affirmative and not in the negative form.
- It is unacceptable to ask difficult or emotionally charged questions at the beginning of a conversation. They should come after the installation ones.
- The wording of the question should take into account the personal experience of the respondents in this particular industry.
- Related issues should be combined into thematic blocks, and not announced randomly. This can confuse the conversation.
Requirements for answers
The rules of dialogue imply certain requirements for answering a question. Here are the most significant points:
- The answer should be clear and unambiguous with concise wording.
- The answer should reduce the uncertainty associated with the question, not increase it. Otherwise, the dialogue will be meaningless and unproductive.
- If the question is posed incorrectly, the answer should contain an indication of this fact.
- The answer cannot be formulated in interrogative form.
How to win a verbal "fight"
One of the most authoritative publications on the rules of dialogue in the Russian language is Povarnin’s book “Dispute. On the theory and practice of dispute" (1918). It contains the following recommendations for those who want to emerge victorious from the dispute:
- In a dispute, you need to be proactive (especially if you are the one who sets the topic of the conversation). It is important to be able to force your interlocutor to conduct a debate according to your scenario.
- Don't defend, but attack. Instead of passively answering your interlocutor's questions, ask questions yourself, putting him on the defensive.
- Don't let your opponent avoid evidence. Every thought must be argued, which can be achieved through criticism.
- Concentrate your activity on the weakest links in your opponent’s argument system.
- To refute your opponent's arguments, use his own techniques. They can be identified through dialogue.
- Use the effect of surprise. For example, save the most important and unexpected arguments for the end of the argument.
- Take the floor at the end of the argument. After listening to your opponent's arguments, you will formulate your speech better.
Golden rules of dialogue in business communication
Success in the business world depends not only on your professional knowledge, but also on your ability to communicate with people. We can highlight the following golden rules for conducting dialogue in business communication:
- Don't start the conversation with business questions. Start with a warm greeting and talk about abstract topics (weather, art, sports, etc.). Otherwise, you will automatically put yourself in a "begging" position, which will allow your opponent to dominate.
- Don't give advice unless asked. If you offer your interlocutor your own model for solving a problem, this may offend the interlocutor. He may think that you are downplaying his abilities.
- Don't ask direct awkward questions. If you still need such information, come from afar so as not to embarrass your opponent.
- Stimulate active conversation. End each of your remarks with a question like “What do you think about this?” This will avoid awkward silences. In addition, this will demonstrate respect for the opinion
- Add some humor. If you feel that the atmosphere in the dialogue is heating up, add a little wit to the conversation to give both yourself and your opponent a break.
Rules of public speaking
Sometimes you have to convey your point of view not to one interlocutor, but to a large audience. In this case, you should familiarize yourself with the rules of dialogue in public speaking. Here are the main ones:
- Take care of your appearance. Before starting to listen to the report, the audience will pay attention to how you look. Therefore, your appearance should be neat and completely appropriate to the situation. This is especially important if you represent not just yourself, but an entire organization.
- Speak to the point. Empty talk and lyrical digressions are unacceptable. Firstly, they irritate listeners, and secondly, they distract the audience's attention from the main problem.
- Respect the listener. You should radiate goodwill with your entire appearance. Also, you should not impose your opinion on the audience, considering it the only correct one.
- Present information clearly. Speak in simple language, not overloaded with technical terms.
- Be confident. A shaky voice, inappropriate gestures, and other signs of agitation will not inspire confidence in the audience.
- Don't use long, complicated phrases. The optimal sentence length is no more than thirteen words.
- Don't delay your presentation. As practice shows, even the most skilled speaker cannot hold the attention of the audience for more than 15-20 minutes. Try to meet this time.
Rules for conducting dialogue in a conflict situation
Unfortunately, the conversation does not always take place in partnership and friendly tones. When tension arises between opponents, it becomes more difficult to follow the rules of etiquette, and dialogue can develop into conflict. To avoid trouble, follow these rules:
- Give your opponent the opportunity to let off steam. If you feel that the interlocutor is tense, do not interrupt him, let him speak. This will help restore the peaceful tone of the dialogue.
- Don't confuse facts with emotions. Clearly substantiate all your claims based on objective data. Under no circumstances should you get personal.
- Respond to aggression in the opposite way. If your partner loses his temper, don't respond in kind. Better to politely sympathize with his troubles or ask for advice.
- Try to end the dispute peacefully. Even if you are at the peak of emotional stress, do not shout, do not be rude or slam the door. This will give you a better chance of constructively continuing the conversation over time.
- Do not express complaints personally to the interlocutor. It is acceptable to express dissatisfaction with the current situation, but not with your opponent.
Features of conducting scientific discussion
The rules for conducting scientific dialogue are somewhat different from social or business conversation. Here are some recommendations to follow in this case:
- Before joining a scientific discussion, consider whether you really have something to say. There is no point in repeating well-known facts.
- Speak only to the point. Don't try to make your hypothesis more marketable by attacking your opponent's personality or contradicting his opinion.
- Speak constructively. Ideally, each statement should be supported by real examples or references to the work of authoritative researchers.
A little more about the art of communication
Compliance with the rules of constructive dialogue allows you to build productive relationships with opponents. To always emerge victorious from an argument, use some subtleties of the art of communication:
- Take breaks. Don't try to give out all the information in one gulp. Divide your speech into meaningful blocks, between which take short pauses. This is necessary so that the interlocutor has time to perceive the information.
- Put yourself in your opponent's shoes. When planning your speech, think about whether your interlocutor will understand what exactly you want to convey to him.
- Give preference to live communication. Try to avoid resolving serious issues over the phone, video conference or correspondence.
- Use unobtrusive gestures. Thanks to this, it will be more interesting for your opponent to listen to you, and he will perceive the information better. But talking to an immobilized “statue” is not at all interesting.
- Watch your tone. The volume of the voice should be such that the interlocutor does not have to listen. At the same time, you should not shout too much so that your opponent does not perceive it as aggression.
- Don't be afraid to ask again. If you don’t understand or hear something, don’t hesitate to ask for clarification. Failure to do this can result in confusion that will make it much more difficult to achieve mutual understanding.
- The style of speech should be appropriate to the location. In business and social conversation, it is unacceptable to use everyday jargon. At the same time, it is bad form to use specific terms or flowery speech structures in an informal conversation.
- Make eye contact. If you look around and not into the eyes of your interlocutor, the atmosphere will not become trusting.
- Call the person by name. This bribes him and makes him take your side.
- Be yourself. Do not renounce your image in order to please your interlocutor.
J. C. Galbraith, a management scholar, once noted, “When there is nothing to do, meetings are an indispensable thing.”
Business conversation- a complex multifaceted process of establishing and developing contacts between people, generated by the needs of joint activities and including the exchange of information, the development of a unified interaction strategy, perception and understanding of another person.
As mentioned in the previous chapter, communication has three sides of manifestation: communicative, interactive and perceptual.
Verbal communication of a manager includes: instructing subordinates, speaking at a meeting, holding a meeting, setting a task, a friendly, educational or business conversation, analyzing the mistakes of subordinates.
One of the most important forms of management activity is business meetings (conversations and meetings). This is one of the most common forms of interaction at work.
Conversations. A manager must be able to conduct business conversations. The success or failure of the business largely depends on this. Scientists have determined that when perceiving the same message, its emotional intensity is located in the following descending order:
■ individual conversation;
■ group conversation and listening to speakers and presenters, watching movies and TV shows;
■ listening to radio broadcasts;
■ reading typographical and typewritten text;
■ reading handwritten text.
As you can see, individual conversation comes first.
Business one-on-one conversations are otherwise called professional contacts or personal business contacts. There are specially developed methods and techniques for conducting various business conversations. Managers spend a lot of time explaining tasks, adjusting and monitoring the work of subordinates, simply talking with them, finding out the state of affairs and relationships in the team. Often subordinates seek advice, inform about difficulties, and coordinate personal issues.
Separately, you can highlight business conversations with clients or visitors. The commercial success of an enterprise often depends on the skillful conduct of such conversations. A business individual conversation should always have specific goals that the interlocutors strive to achieve with minimal effort and time.
Rules for constructing a business conversation. Business individual conversations are divided into two groups:
■ free and focused conversations with two-way exchange of information, taking place without special preparation (with or without time);
■ conversations, specially prepared and strictly regulated.
Any business individual conversation consists of three stages.
First stage - preparatory. It includes determining the objectives of the conversation and drawing up its plan; setting the time and choosing the place where the conversation will take place. Drawing up a conversation plan based on its objectives is the main section of this stage. Here you need to analyze your employment, determine the time of the conversation and its duration, and also think about whether the chosen time is convenient for the interlocutor. You must initially have and show a friendly interest in your interlocutor.
At this preparatory stage, you should check yourself on the following points:
■ careful consideration of the course of the conversation;
■ freedom from stereotypes, readiness to perceive people as they are, to respond flexibly to changes occurring in them;
■ complete readiness to listen to the interlocutor and correctly answer possible questions;
■ having an accurate, clear and correct plan for the conversation;
■ the ability of a conversation plan to raise questions that lead the discussion astray;
■ the presence of natural and convincing formulations;
■ expression of all thoughts accurately and clearly;
■ choosing the right tone for the conversation;
■ an attempt to imagine oneself in the place of the interlocutor and understand him;
■ an attempt to imagine: if a similar conversation were held with you, you would be satisfied with it.
Second phase - introductory. During this stage, the psychological barrier is overcome and an atmosphere of trust is established.
Third stage - basic consists of 3 parts (Fig. 8.1).
The tone of a conversation with a stranger should be friendly and businesslike. This tone quickly creates an atmosphere of mutual trust.
Punctuality is an invariable condition. It strengthens the atmosphere. But punctuality must be shown on both sides. It is bad form when a potential interlocutor is forced to wait more than 15 - 20 minutes in the reception area. If the appointment time is overdue, then you must try to warn the person waiting about the unexpected delay and ask him to wait, indicating a time with a small margin (5-10 minutes). We must always remember the statement of the theorist N. Boileau: “I am precise because I noticed: those who wait do not think about anything other than the shortcomings of the people who make them wait.”
Preparing for the conversation. If you came to the conversation for the first time, then you need to identify yourself upon entering. If a visitor comes to you and introduces himself, try to immediately remember his name and patronymic. Last name is easier to remember. Peering into the face of your future interlocutor, you need to try to read his gaze and establish mutual understanding without words. Scientists have found that when meeting a person for the first time, we first pay attention to his appearance, we are interested in his expression. (“They meet you by their clothes, they see you off by their mind.”)
Having met a visitor, you need to get up from the table and invite your interlocutor to sit opposite you. It’s good to meet him halfway: this gesture makes it clear to your interlocutor that you respect him and are ready to talk as equals.
In the case when you meet for a conversation with your colleague or just a person you know, greeting him and calling him by name and patronymic, it is quite enough to get up from the table, but it is not necessary to move to another place. When having frequent conversations with the same people, special courtesies are not required, although their importance is undeniable. History claims that for the first time in Russia, Peter I began to address his entourage as “You”.
Before starting a conversation with a stranger, it is recommended to warn the interlocutor about the time you have for the conversation.
In every business individual conversation, two people consider the current situation from different points of view, and each of them often believes that his point of view is the only correct one.
Conversation (main stage). The manager must understand how his interlocutor assesses the situation and why exactly this way and not otherwise. It is necessary to try to present a complete picture of the event or situation, focusing only on the words of the interlocutor. You need to be able to listen and correctly ask clarifying and leading questions that can help reveal the thoughts of your interlocutor and, as a result, correctly determine his point of view.
The rule must be indispensable: the first word belongs to your interlocutor, whether he is familiar or unfamiliar to you. By listening carefully to him, you can understand what he wants or, conversely, does not want or cannot say without your help, whether he is expressing his own or someone else’s point of view. All clarifying questions asked during the conversation must be extremely specific and tactful, do not contain double meaning and be justified.
The conversation may have a script, i.e. build on pre-prepared questions. The first question should be simple and interesting, but not controversial. There is a rule: the more a person wants to convince, the less he should assert. This will reduce the number of counter-statements at the beginning of the conversation. Personal questions and reservations are usually reserved for the end of the conversation, when some contact has been established with the interlocutor.
After meeting these requirements, you can express your point of view convincingly and in detail. But this must be done in such a way that the interlocutor sees the event or situation from a different perspective and critically reconsiders his views based on a more complete knowledge of the situation. This will help both interlocutors make the right decision.
The conversation may not always go smoothly. The reason for failure should be sought only in yourself, in your facial expression, tone, attention, and not in your interlocutor.
You need to find the exact word, which should be weighty but kind. It is precisely this word that reaches the interlocutor and convinces him much faster than the “boss’ metal” in the voice and the unbridled categoricalness of judgments.
You should not be afraid to show emotions when reacting to the words of your interlocutor.
If, after several clarifying questions, you are asked counter-questions, this can lead to an argument and unnecessary tension in the conversation. The reason for counter-statements is often the inability to quickly assess the situation and direct the conversation in the right direction, the interlocutor’s belief in the comprehensive correctness of his personal judgment, or a cover for defenselessness and lack of self-confidence.
Unrestrained categorical judgments, which can destroy the goodwill of the interlocutor, are detrimental to the conversation. Possessing the same knowledge, people often cannot agree, since each of them has their own point of view through which they “pass” the world around them.
During the conversation, you need to consistently carry out the main idea. You need to learn: listen to the subtext; do not give in to the idea that it is the interlocutor who is mistaken; choose the right points to make comments and make them tactfully; unobtrusively justify your attitudes; show self-criticism when faced with reasonable counter-comments; patiently listen to your interlocutor’s objections, even thoughtless and harsh ones.
It must be remembered that an excited person is trying to do three things at once: calculate the damage done to his idea; find a tricky question and ask your interlocutor; get satisfaction from the awkwardness of your interlocutor when he cannot answer such a question.
If you have to respond to objections:
■ allow the interlocutor to answer his own objections and refute them. This does not require open contradiction; after listening to the remark, you need to try to reject it indirectly; conditionally agree with one or another objection; try to listen to several objections in order to grasp the main thing and respond immediately; sharp objections should be repeated in a calm tone, softening the wording, and then answered;
■ express your reaction to the interlocutor’s words with a nod of the head, an “expecting look,” short periodic approving remarks, repeating the last words spoken by the interlocutor, showing that the idea is understood;
■ force yourself to forget personal prejudices and dispositions; do not rush to a conclusion and strictly distinguish between fact and opinion.
There are times when the interlocutor has a pronounced conceit and a tendency to argue. In this case, you need to let him speak out, then return to this issue or wait until the interlocutor firmly “saddles” his erroneous idea and reaches a dead end.
You need to pay attention to the pace of the conversation and pauses. This is of great importance, as it helps to highlight the main thing and emphasize the next or previous one. The speech of the interlocutors must be distinct and extremely clear. Don't speak too loudly or too softly. The first is tactless, the second can force your interlocutor to ask the same question repeatedly.
The decision should always follow the discussion, otherwise the interlocutor, instead of expressing his ideas, will begin to criticize you or will indifferently agree with everything.
End of the conversation. As soon as the interlocutor’s point of view becomes clear and you have also expressed yours, you can end the conversation. All issues have been agreed upon, decisions have been formulated, and the rules of the conversation have been fulfilled. You can say goodbye.
Meeting. During the meeting, information is exchanged between subordinates and the manager, and management decisions are made.
Meetings help connect what an individual employee does with the work of others in the business. The management process in this regard comes down to three main stages:
■ collection and processing of information;
■ coordination of the activities of all services of the enterprise and all its employees;
■ decision making.
In addition to the fact that a business meeting is a way to attract the collective mind to develop optimal solutions on current and most complex issues arising in an enterprise, it can solve an important educational problem.
At the meeting, employees learn to work in a team, take an integrated approach to solving common problems, reach compromises, acquire a culture of communication, etc.
For some enterprises, a business meeting is the only opportunity to see and hear senior management levels. For a manager, a business meeting is an opportunity to show his talent as a manager.
The main tasks that can be solved through business meetings are as follows:
■ development and strengthening of the enterprise’s policy and its implementation;
■ integration of activities of all departments and services, taking into account the overall goals of the company;
■ identifying and calculating collective results;
■ collective problem solving taking into account the learning effect.
Classification of business meetings. Business meetings are a special type of work organization. There is a certain classification of meetings, which depends on the following main features:
■ by purpose:
developing and making decisions;
clarifying and clarifying implementation tasks
previously made decisions;
summing up and assessing previously adopted
decisions;
operational (control rooms);
■ according to the frequency (frequency) of conducting:
regular;
periodic;
■ by number of participants:
narrow composition (up to five people); extended (up to twenty people);
representative (over twenty people);
■ according to the degree of stability of the composition of the meeting participants:
with a fixed composition;
with invitees according to the list compiled for each meeting;
combined;
■ by accessory:
public organizations;
administrative;
scientific and scientific-technical;
united.
Planning meetings. Conducting any meeting has certain goals that will not be achieved without four mandatory stages (Table 8.1).
1. Preparing the meeting. It begins with determining the feasibility of its implementation. A meeting should be held when there is a need to exchange information, identify opinions and alternatives, analyze complex (non-standard) situations, and make decisions on complex issues.
At the same stage, the manager must analyze all alternatives to this form of work. This could be: a decision of senior management; the ability to resolve the issue over the phone; conference call; Possibility of combining with other (scheduled) meetings. If the manager is still convinced of the usefulness of the meeting, it can be held. So, the decision on the advisability of holding a meeting has been made. The next element of this stage is setting the agenda. Here you need to define:
■ the conditions that the final result of the meeting must meet (they determine the goals of the meeting). For example, you need to understand that not every meeting can produce ready-made decisions;
■ who should carry out what preparatory work. Sometimes it is advisable to create a working group that prepares the agenda, holds preliminary brief meetings in departments, meetings between two people, etc.
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Ticket 8
Rules for listening and conversation
Inclinations, abilities, giftedness, talent, genius: characteristics
Pedagogical task
Listening skills are developed from early childhood. One child can listen for a long time when fairy tales are told or read to him, while another finds it difficult to sit for five minutes. Of course, this depends on the type of nervous system of the child, the degree of his activity, etc. However, the ability to listen must be taught to a child from infancy. Listening skills are important in everyday life. It is one of the criteria for a person’s sociability. In the course of special studies, it was found that on average a person spends 29.5% of time on listening, 21.5% on speaking, 10% on writing.
Hearing - the process of directed perception of auditory and visual stimuli and attributing meaning to them. The process of active listening involves concentration, understanding, memorization, assessment and response.
Concentration - this is the perceptual process of selecting and concentrating attention on specific stimuli from the entire set of senses reaching our organs, identifying the main “figure from the background.”
Understanding - this is an accurate decoding of incoming information by assigning it the correct meaning, that is, comprehending it in the same conceptual categories. Everyone hears what they understand.
Memorization is the ability to retain information and reproduce it when necessary. Memorization plays an important role in retaining the content of what is heard. To improve the memorization process, it is important to use techniques such as repetition, mnemonics, and notes.
· Increase the effectiveness of attention:
prepared to listen;
completely switching from the role of speaker to the role of listener;
listening to the end before answering;
tailoring our attention to the purposes of listening in a particular situation.
Analysis or critical listening is the process of determining how truthful and reliable the information heard is.
You listen critically when:
· wondering whether the conclusion is supported by significant facts;
· whether the connection between the inference and the evidence is justified;
· Is there any information known to you that would reduce the logic of the conclusion.
· Responsiveness presupposes an adequate reaction of the listener at the verbal and non-verbal levels.
Most people are characterized by the following main disadvantages of traditional listening:
· thoughtless perception when speech is the background of activity;
· fragmentary perception, when only individual parts of spoken speech are interpreted;
· inability to analyze the content of a message and establish a connection between it and the facts of reality.
The effectiveness of the hearing process depends on the following factors:
Objective factors:
· noise and interference;
· acoustic characteristics of the room;
· indoor microclimate (temperature, humidity, etc.).
Subjective factors:
· gender of the listener (it is believed that men are more attentive listeners);
· human temperament (emotionally stable people - sanguine people, phlegmatic people - more attentive than choleric and melancholic people);
· intellectual abilities.
Effective listening requires four basic mental abilities:
· hearing ability;
· attentiveness;
ability to understand;
· ability to remember.
Ø Therefore, the development of listening skills should be based on the development of the listed abilities.
Types of hearing:
Depending on our interlocutor and the information we receive from him, we use different types of listening:
· active,
· passive,
· empathic listening.
Active listening - presupposes an interested attitude towards the interlocutor, clarifying questions like: “Did I understand you correctly that...?” (with a question mark at the end of the phrase), adequate feedback. (Active listening is used when exchanging information, conducting business negotiations, receiving instructions, etc.)
Passive listening - involves emotional non-involvement in communication, clarifying questions (so that negative emotions are responded to), “uh-huh reactions” (minimal verbal reactions), awareness of one’s own “I-hearings” (one’s thoughts, experiences).
Empathic listening - to share the emotional experiences of the interlocutor, which involves:
· listening attitude;
· creating a trusting atmosphere;
· reflection of the experiences and feelings behind the interlocutor’s statements;
· maintaining a pause necessary for a person to understand his experiences.
· When we show empathy, we are trying to understand or experience what another person understands or experiences.
There are three ways to show empathy:
· empathic response
Empathic response - This is the experience of an emotional reaction similar to the actual or expected manifestations of emotions of another person.
· acceptance of perspectives
Taking perspective - imagining oneself in another's place is the most common form of empathy.
· sympathetic response
Sympathetic response - a feeling of care, complicity, compassion directed towards another person because of his current situation.
To effectively show empathy to your interlocutor, you must:
· Gain respect for the person by focusing on what he says.
· Focus on understanding verbal and non-verbal cues.
· Use behavioral signals to determine a person’s emotional state.
· Try to experience the same feelings with the person; or imagine what you would feel in similar circumstances, or experience feelings of care, compassion towards this person.
· React according to your feelings.
The ability to listen is the most important condition not only for productive communication, but also for the learning process. To master knowledge, you must have the skills of listening to public speaking. When listening to a speech, you need to more clearly define for yourself the purpose for which you will listen. Next, you need to organize your work during the listening process in accordance with the principles of its effectiveness.
The principles of effective listening are based on the willingness and desire to listen. The listener's attitude may be influenced by his knowledge and experience on the issue being discussed.
Some aids to improve listening skills include:
· ability to concentrate;
· ability to analyze content;
· ability to listen critically;
· ability to take notes.
Let's look at the skills listed.
1. The ability to concentrate.
The ability to concentrate is the main condition for effective listening. It involves taking listening seriously, being willing to work on improving your skills, and paying constant attention to the speaker. Concentration is not a passive, but an active creative process that requires great effort. By concentrating, a person prepares himself to listen. If you spend your time thinking about others, daydreaming or solving personal problems, concentration becomes impossible. Irregular listening interferes with understanding the ideas of a speech. We must try to ignore distractions.
2. Ability to analyze content.
Knowing the process of speech production and composition can help develop listening skills. From the very beginning, it is important to determine the purpose of the speaker’s speech, to highlight the main topic and concepts. It is necessary to note how evidence is presented, forms of illustration: examples, analogy, statistics, citation, etc. It is useful to record how the speaker concludes by summarizing his ideas and connecting them to the main topic.
3. Ability to listen critically.
Critical listening involves connecting what the speaker says with your own experience, summarizing and systematizing what you hear, analyzing and evaluating. When analyzing the speaker’s ideas, it is necessary to return to the starting point of the speech, check the adequacy of the evidence, the weight of the argument.
4. Ability to take notes.
If you are listening to an educational lecture in order to obtain facts, to analyze and evaluate the content, then it is necessary to take notes. The recording helps you concentrate when listening, provides material for review and the opportunity to return to what you heard. The development of note-taking skills is facilitated by adherence to the principles of rationality. The basic rule that is recommended to be observed when taking notes is the following: it is more important to understand the logic of the presentation as a whole than to write down incoherent, fragmentary fragments. The outline of an oral presentation (lecture) should be an extended outline reflecting its structure and main provisions, containing specific examples and quotations.
When taking notes on an oral presentation, it is recommended to adhere to the following general principles:
· Use an informal writing system, the simpler the better, and a simplified form of text structuring that includes short paragraphs, sentences, parts of sentences, and single words. The entries should be clear to you.
· Make short notes. Record only outstanding moments and factual material. Note how the speaker makes transitions, repeats his ideas, and summarizes.
· Use abbreviations and symbols. Shorthand and cursive writing help a lot. If you don't own them, develop your own system. Use symbols for parts of sentences, letters for abbreviations of words. Try to keep recording time to a minimum.
· Take legible notes. Make sure they are clear to you. Then, if you want to read them later, you can decipher them by writing them down in detail.
· Mark important ideas. Underline or bullet important points. When viewing recordings, such notes will help you quickly refresh the content of what you have written, find the right places, etc.
· Review your notes periodically.
v In general, in order to learn to listen effectively, it is necessary to note the useful things that can be learned from listening to an oral presentation, and also to have the desire to listen, that is, to tune in to the perception of information. Listen with interest - this will help create an atmosphere of mutual sympathy and respect between you and the interlocutor.
Conducting a conversation.
Conversation - a method of interpersonal communication. This is a participant-directed, informal, unprepared interaction, a consistent exchange of thoughts and feelings of two or more people.
This definition highlights several key features:
· The conversation is directed by the participants, who themselves determine who will speak, what the topic is, the order and duration of the speeches.
· Conversation involves interaction, hence at least two people talking and listening.
· The conversation involves impromptu, that is, the participants have not memorized what they will talk about.
· The conversation is organized in time and has a beginning, middle and end.
There are two types of conversations:
· casual conversations in which topics are discussed spontaneously;
· business discussion of problems, characterized by the agreement of the participants to discuss and solve specific problems or plan possible courses of action.
A business conversation can be:
· standardized (precisely formulated questions are asked to all respondents).
· non-standardized (questions are asked in free form).
Options for developing dialogue in a conversation:
· questioning one participant to another for the purpose of obtaining information;
· message specific information to another partner;
· attentive hearing partner.
Questioning technique in conversation:
get your partner talking, tune him into the topic and problem of the conversation;
stimulate the partner to start speaking;
stimulate the development of statements;
clarify and evaluate incoming information.
Techniques for informing in conversation:
form a mindset for perception;
intrigue (theme, novelty, position);
consistently present the essence of the information.
Listening technique in conversation:
1st type. Listening as understanding the meaning:
mobilization of attention;
· clarification of content;
· paraphrase.
2nd type. Listening technique as empathy:
· understand the emotional state;
· penetrate into the reasons that caused this condition;
· put yourself in your partner’s place;
· Assess the situation from the partner’s position.
When analyzing a conversation, pay attention to:
· emotional impression of the conversation;
· techniques for encouraging the interlocutor used during the conversation;
· features of the interlocutor’s behavior: facial expressions, gestures, intonation of speech, slips of the tongue, etc.;
· questions to which the interlocutor answered most actively;
· the nature of the end of the conversation;
· problems solved as a result of the conversation.
Four Features of Conversation Rules Shape Participants' Behavior: Rules leave room for choice, are prescriptive, derive from context, and define appropriate behavior. Effective conversations rely on the principle of cooperation, which suggests that a conversation is effective when the participants come together to achieve the goals of the conversation and the conversation is enjoyable for each of them. The principle of cooperation, in turn, is characterized by six rules: quantity, quality, appropriateness, good manners, morality and courtesy. A good conversationalist demonstrates skills in presenting accurate information, maintains a balance between speaking and listening time (taking turns in conversation), maintains conversational flow, demonstrates courtesy, and maintains ethical standards.
The success of a business conversation depends on:
· on the degree of its preparedness (presence of a goal, a conversation plan, taking into account age and individual characteristics and conditions);
· on the sincerity of the answers given (the presence of trust, tact, correctness of asking questions).
v During a business conversation, when there is a dialogue between partners, it is necessary to remember the dual nature of the communication process (exchange of information, that is, its sending and receiving). It is necessary to participate in it cooperatively, listening carefully to your partner, analyzing and comparing his words with your own experience.
v One of the goals of communication is to learn as much as possible about your interlocutor: to understand his psychology and train of thought, to evaluate his business opportunities, to delve into the subtext. This goal can only be achieved by being an attentive and active listener.
Such listening skills can be developed by observing the following rules for effective listening:
· Tune in to the topic of the conversation, feel your inner interest.
· Sit comfortably, but do not relax, as relaxation has a negative effect on the brain and prevents you from listening carefully; the correct posture helps you concentrate.
· During a conversation, do not look at foreign objects - this distracts and irritates the interlocutor. It has been noted that women are more susceptible to feedback than men, so when listening to a woman, look into her eyes more often.
· Listen with interest - this will help create an atmosphere of mutual sympathy and respect between you and the interlocutor.
· Do not interrupt your partner in conversation, give him the opportunity to express his thoughts to the end.
· While listening, highlight the main thoughts of the speaker and try to understand them correctly.
· Quickly compare the information received with your own and immediately mentally return to the main content of the conversation.
· During pauses in conversation, try to mentally summarize what you heard two or three times.
· As the conversation progresses, try to predict what will be said next. This is a good method for remembering the main points of a conversation.
· Do not rush to evaluate the results of the conversation. Listen.
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Preparing and starting a business conversation
In practice, many production issues require collective discussion and resolution. The generally accepted forms of business communication in the work of managers, lawyers, and retailers are business conversations, meetings, meetings, negotiations, conferences, and various business meetings.
The development of market relations in our country, the intensification observed at all levels of business communication due to evolution in the field of computer science, give rise to the need for the rapid and unhindered dissemination of business information, and therefore the organization and conduct of innovative forms of business communication, such as presentations, round tables ", press conferences, shareholder meetings, briefings, exhibitions and fairs of new products.
In traditional genres of business communication (public speeches, interviews, commentary, consultation) in new conditions, communication strategies of firms or business partners are implemented, which require not only the ability to self-presentation, but also the ability to promote the company’s philosophy, organizational values, corporate culture, as well as consumer knowledge market, financial market, contact audiences, power structures, etc. The multi-purpose nature of these genres requires its own communication strategies, technologies, procedures and operations.
Specific genres of business communication can be considered argument, discussion, controversy, debate, debate, which are often components of such forms of business communication as meetings, meetings and conferences, and can also have independent significance.
Let's consider the features of each form of business communication using the following criteria:
- purpose of the event (why?);
— contingent of participants (who?, with whom?, for whom?);
— regulations (how long?);
— communicative means of realizing intentions (how?);
— organization of the spatial environment (where?);
— expected result (what?, what is the “output”?).
Business conversation
Concept, types, functions and purposes of business conversations
Almost all affairs, all labor actions of human society, all actions of human interaction begin, are carried out and are completed with the help of business conversations that vary in form, content and functions.
Rules for conducting a business conversation
Business conversations are associated with communication at work, with the performance of official duties, with solving production problems, organizational, commercial problems, etc.
Under business conversation refers to interpersonal verbal communication, which involves the exchange of views, points of view, opinions, information, aimed at solving a particular problem.
TO basic functions Any business conversation can include the following:
— the beginning of innovative activities and processes;
Control and coordination of already started events and promotions;
- information exchange;
— mutual communication between employees of the same organization, interpersonal and business contacts;
— maintaining business contacts with partners in the external environment;
— searches, promotion and prompt development of new ideas and plans;
— stimulating the movement of human thought in new directions.
The nature of the business conversation, the features of its course, the topics of the issues discussed are determined by the professional and business interests of its participants, as well as the type of relationship between the interlocutors (subordination “vertical” - “top-down”, “bottom-up” and partnership “horizontally”).
By the nature of the situation , in which certain issues are discussed, business conversations happen official and unofficial , i.e.
with or without compliance with certain rules and formalities. Business conversations can be held in the office, at the workplace, in the dining room, restaurant, during a walk, a friendly feast, etc.
The main purpose of the conversation- exchange of information, however, depending on the subject content, multi-purpose conversations are possible. By the nature of the issues discussed The following types of business conversations are considered the most common: personnel (hiring, dismissal, reassignment); disciplinary, related to violation of labor discipline, evasion of official duties, etc.; organizational, determining the technology for completing the task; creative, dedicated to developing the concept of a particular project, assignment, etc. Particular attention should be paid to business conversations during the reception of visitors.
In each of these types of conversations, the goals will be related directly to the subject of the conversation. For example, a hiring conversation is carried out with the aim of diagnosing the professional and personal potential of a candidate for a position in order to make a hiring decision, and the purpose of a “on the carpet” conversation is to identify the reasons for violation of discipline or poor quality work and change the motivation of the employee’s behavior. The purpose of the “assignment of a task” conversation is not only to inform the employee, but also to instruct, and informal conversations, as a rule, involve the so-called “probing” of the situation in order to know what is happening, how relationships are developing in the team, what “painful points” there are. points” that a manager must know about in order to get involved in solving problems in a timely manner.
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To do this, it’s worth starting with preparation, because any form of speech activity implies certain goals, focused on certain points.
Rules for listening and conversation.
Therefore, before you begin an active exchange of information, prepare thoroughly, well, and only then proceed.
Initially, you need to position yourself so that there is not the slightest doubt about your intentions; to do this, you should clearly hold your position and speak confidently, without making long pauses.
Show your interlocutor that you are very interested in him, so it is important for you to find common goals and points in the work area with him.
You may notice that your interlocutor is experiencing some discomfort associated precisely with anxiety, which is very common these days. In principle, this is normal, responsibility and all that, so don’t shoot him down, but try to support him and help him get out of the current situation with the help of leading questions. For a woman, by the way, even a compliment can serve as a good incentive to open up and get rid of anxiety.
If you see that a person has good intellectual knowledge and does not need unnecessary questions regarding his hobbies and experience, then in order to have a business conversation, you can immediately get down to business and talk about the current work.
Use the well-known technique of closed and open questions, the former of which are focused on monosyllabic answers, in the spirit of “yes” and “no,” and the latter require exclusively a complete, well-reasoned answer.
The method of mirror questions also pays off. They perfectly help interlocutors understand each other and clarify some points.
If you feel that the interlocutor does not really understand you, then it’s time to focus on control questions and put an end to this or that topic.
Very often, some professionals in their field take the path of so-called “provocative” questions, which are aimed specifically at a response with the expression of personal assumptions. This method undoubtedly confuses interlocutors, but it does not confuse people who know their business.
Finally, in order to successfully conduct a business conversation, counter questions are always welcome, which remove unnecessary idle talk and allow you to understand each other as quickly as possible.
Organization of business conversations
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A business conversation is a form of information exchange between two or more individuals in a “narrow circle”. It differs from meetings and meetings not only in the number of participants, but also in its freer nature, both in terms of issues and consequences: official decisions based on the results of conversations are not always made, but at the same time the necessary ground is created for them (participants receive information for reflection, which may or may not be followed by appropriate action).
Conversations are a necessary component of such management procedures as hiring or dismissing employees; employee certification; receiving visitors; consulting; business meeting; informal meetings, etc.
The nature of the conversation can be official or informal, the so-called “working”;
in terms of focus - targeted (pursuing specific tasks) and free (for example, informational);
regulated, that is, carried out according to certain rules and in a prescribed sequence (questioning) and unregulated, unsystematic (friendly conversation).
Unlike other forms of information exchange, conversations are characterized by a high degree of close contact, spontaneity of communication, and mandatory feedback. As a result, conversations create favorable conditions for the development of informal, personal relationships.
The business conversation cycle consists of three stages: preparatory, main and final. Let's look at them in more detail.
Preparing the conversation begins with defining the goal that needs to be achieved with its help, and, accordingly, the range of issues discussed in this regard, taking into account the interests of the partner.
The second step at this stage (if necessary) is to draw up a preliminary portrait of the partner based on data about his official position, political views, attitude towards others, social activities and merits, favorite and taboo topics of conversation. Such information is usually obtained from acquaintances, partners, clients, journalists, etc. In addition. At the same time, it must be treated with caution, since it is influenced by a number of subjective circumstances, in particular: the degree of familiarity with the person in question; independence or dependence on it; bias or impartiality towards him;
the degree of development of the characterizing qualities of which he speaks (for everyone measures others first of all, focusing on himself); the situation in which these qualities were observed.
The third step will be to develop a conversation strategy and plan, as well as various tactical “preparations” that may be needed along the way.
The conversation plan includes a scheme for presenting the material, which largely predetermines its structure; Moreover, this scheme can be used openly. However, how closely to follow it is determined based on the significance of the conversation, the number of its participants, the amount of time available, as well as experience in conducting such events.
In addition to the plan, at the preparatory stage, a preliminary text of the speech is drawn up, consisting of a set of key concepts and words, and its individual fragments, including the full wording of business proposals that must be made to partners, are developed in detail and mastered.
The fourth step in the preparatory stage of the conversation may be to rehearse it, first alone with yourself, and then, perhaps, with by whom- one of my colleagues. Rehearsal is preceded by comprehension of the material, memorization of the order of its presentation and individual fragments of the text, so that they can be freely operated” and, if necessary, accurately reproduced from memory (especially This concerns digital data and quotations).
The fifth step of the preparatory stage of the conversation is to determine the time and place of its holding; in this case, it is necessary to take into account their possible influence on its result (at home, How they say native walls help). And all this must be agreed upon with partners.
If the participants in the conversation are employees of the same organization, then the place of the conversation depends only on where contacts are easier to establish. This can be a manager’s office, a subordinate’s workplace, a special meeting room, as well as an off-duty environment, even at home. Conversations with strangers are conducted either in the office of the person who invited them, or in a special room for guests.
In any case, it is desirable that the conversation room be bright, with warmly colored walls. It is good to have adjustable lighting, which can be achieved through the use of several types of lamps (at the end of the day, for example, bright lighting is not recommended). It is better to conduct a conversation while sitting in chairs at small tables. Large tables separate rather than bring partners together, especially when placed opposite each other, and it is impossible to achieve a relaxed position on a chair. If the conversation develops unfavorably, the uncomfortable environment can lead all participants into an aggressive state. Armchairs (or chairs) should be the same height, which emphasizes the equality of the sides.
Conversation rules for children
Participants must have free access to pencils, paper for notes, and an ashtray (but smoking is only allowed with the consent of everyone present). In general, the whole situation should be set up in a businesslike manner.
The second stage of the cycle is the conversation itself- begins with greeting and understanding first impressions of partners, including their mood, which largely determines the result. The foundations for the perception of partners, as has already been shown, are laid at the preliminary stage and are generally formed after the first contact under the influence of such circumstances as the “halo effect” (a holistic assessment of a person as pleasant or unpleasant), stereotypes, the mood at the time of the meeting, the dominant need , protective mechanisms, etc.
It should be taken into account that most people, which is quite understandable, try to hide their “I” in one way or another. Most often, as research shows, this is done by using various kinds of “masks.”
Some become “turtles”, hiding their inner world from others behind an impenetrable shell. Others are bristling “porcupines” whose quills are easy to prick themselves on. Still others are menacingly roaring “lions”, trying to scare everyone. The fourth are “chameleons”, quickly adapting to the interlocutor and changes in the situation; the fifth ones turn out to be completely “colorless”, so it is impossible to identify them at all. The next step after greeting and assessing the partners is to find out the real amount of time that each participant in the conversation has in order to make the necessary adjustments to its intended course and content along the way.
After this, if the conversation is held with outsiders invited in advance, coffee, tea, and dry pastries can be served.
The conversation itself begins with introductory part, the volume of which can take up to 15% of the total time. Its task is to relieve psychological tension and establish contacts with interlocutors. This is achieved by creating an atmosphere of mutual understanding, showing sincere sympathy for the personalities and affairs of the partners, emphasizing the priority of the interests of the latter, while simultaneously attracting their attention to their own. Usually the initiative here belongs to the owner or the eldest in age.
After relieving psychological tension, they move directly to the conversation itself. This transition can be direct, without introduction, and begin with a brief statement of the essence of the matter, which is mainly characteristic of short-term, insignificant contacts between a manager and a subordinate. It can begin by posing a number of problematic questions related to the topic of the conversation.
He can, finally, build on the facts and events mentioned in a conversation on a general topic that are directly or indirectly related to the issues under discussion.
In the main part of the conversation the active party is usually the initiator (the exception is a reporting conversation with a subordinate). He tries from beginning to end to adhere to the chosen main direction leading to the intended goal. This is achieved by sequentially asking questions in a predetermined order and making your own main point.
You need to speak out and formulate questions during the conversation in clear, simple terms, while at the same time carefully listening to the meaning of the interlocutor’s words and trying to understand what is behind them.
During the conversation, it is important to find out why the interlocutor perceives the situation this way and not otherwise, so he must be given the opportunity to speak out completely, making comments or asking questions at the right moments, but avoiding entering into a discussion.
After the interlocutor speaks out, he needs to demonstrate his own view of things, showing the problem from the other side. This should be done calmly, kindly, with argumentation, without convicting him of mistakes and without unconditionally insisting on his own opinion - the more a person wants to convince another of something, the less he should argue, especially at the beginning of the conversation. The conversation must be conducted in such a way that the partner can ultimately refute his own erroneous judgments.
At the end of the conversation, the owner or initiator summarizes the results, shows how the information obtained in the process can be used, calls on the interlocutors to comprehend it and take further active actions.
If the conversation time was not specifically regulated (which is most often the case when receiving visitors), this is a signal to end the meeting. For slow-witted partners, a special set of politeness techniques has been developed to let them know that the conversation is over and the owner has other things to do.
The third stage of the cycle a conversation is a critical analysis based on the notes taken, allowing you to answer the questions:
how clear the wording was;
has everything been said; whether it was always possible to obtain satisfactory answers; whether the latter were inspired by the desire to please the owner;
could the interlocutors have been more frank;
whether they were subjected to excessive psychological pressure; how relaxed and comfortable they felt;
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A business conversation is a meaningful desire of one person or group of people, through a word, to evoke a desire in another person or group of people to take action that will change at least one of the parties to a situation or establish new relationships between the participants in the conversation.
In the modern interpretation, business conversations mean oral contact between partners (interlocutors) who have the necessary authority from their organizations to conduct them and resolve specific problems.
Main functions of a business conversation:
1. Start of promising activities and processes
2. Control and coordination of already started activities and processes
3. Exchange of information
4. Mutual communication between workers from the same field of activity
5. Maintaining business contacts
6. Search, promotion and prompt development of working ideas and plans
7. Stimulating the movement of creative thought in new directions.
Preparing for the conversation
Includes:
1. Planning:
· preliminary analysis of participants and situation;
· initiative to conduct a conversation and determine its objectives;
· determination of strategy and tactics;
· a detailed plan for preparing for the conversation.
2. Operational preparation:
· collection of materials;
· selection and systematization of materials;
· thinking and arrangement of materials;
· work plan;
· development of the main part of the conversation;
· the beginning and end of a conversation.
3. Editing:
· control (i.e. checking the work done);
· giving final form to the conversation.
4. Workout:
· mental rehearsal;
· oral rehearsal;
· rehearsal of a conversation in the form of a dialogue with the interlocutor.
Planning a conversation comes down to the following steps:
· drawing up and checking a business conversation forecast;
· establishing the main, long-term objectives of the conversation;
· searching for suitable ways to solve these problems (strategies);
· analysis of external and internal opportunities for implementing the conversation plan;
· identification and development of medium-term and short-term objectives of the conversation, their relationship and priority;
· development of measures to implement these tasks (development of a work program, plan for individual elements of the conversation), etc.
Structure of a business conversation
Consists of 5 phases:
1. Starting a conversation.
2. Transfer of information.
3. Argumentation.
4. Refuting the interlocutor’s arguments.
5. Decision making.
For any speech, any conversation, there are 10 general rules, compliance with which will make your speech, if not perfect, then at least correct:
1. Professional knowledge.
2. Clarity.
3. Reliability.
4. Constant focus.
6. Repetition.
7. Element of surprise.
8. “Saturation” of reasoning.
9. Framework for transmitting information.
10. A certain dose of humor and even, to some extent, irony.
To the listed rules you can add the following main features of live speech:
· in any business conversation, the content and technique of presentation are valuable;
· you should limit yourself to facts and details in the conversation and reasoning on the topic;
· it is better to plan the conversation with various possible options;
· it is sometimes necessary to repeat and draw conclusions from what has been said;
· you should address the interlocutor directly, given that personal influence in business relationships is of great importance.
Phase I: Starting the conversation
· establishing contact with the interlocutor;
· creating a pleasant atmosphere for conversation;
· to attract attention;
· stimulating interest in conversation;
· “seizing” the initiative.
Techniques for starting a conversation:
1. Method of relieving tension - allows you to establish close contact with your interlocutor.
2. The “hook” method - allows you to briefly outline a situation or problem, linking it to the content of the conversation, and use this “hook” as a starting point for the planned conversation.
3. The method of stimulating the play of imagination - involves asking at the beginning of the conversation many questions on a number of problems that should be considered in it.
4. Direct approach method - means going directly to the point, without speaking.
The right start to a conversation involves:
· an accurate description of the goals of the conversation;
· mutual introduction of interlocutors;
· topic title;
· introduction of the person conducting the conversation;
· announcement of the sequence of consideration of issues.
What you need to pay attention to when establishing personal contact with your interlocutor:
· a) clear, concise and meaningful introductory phrases and explanations;
· b) addressing interlocutors by name and patronymic;
· c) appropriate appearance (clothing, smartness, facial expression);
· d) showing respect for the personality of the interlocutor, attention to his opinions and interests;
· f) asking for an answer, etc.
PhaseII. Transfer of information
The purpose of this part of the conversation is to solve the following problems:
· collection of special information on the problems, requests and wishes of the interlocutor;
· identifying the motives and goals of the interlocutor;
· transmission of planned information;
· analysis and verification of the interlocutor’s position.
5 main groups of questions:
1. Closed questions are questions to which an answer of “yes” or “no” is expected. What is the purpose of these types of questions? Obtain from the interlocutor reasonable arguments for the answer expected from him.
2. Open questions are questions that cannot be answered “yes” or “no”, they require some kind of explanation (“What is your opinion on this issue?”, “Why do you think the measures taken are insufficient?”).
3. Rhetorical questions - these questions are not given a direct answer, because their purpose is to raise new questions and point out unresolved problems and to ensure support for our position from the participants in the conversation through tacit approval (“We are of the same opinion on this issue, aren’t we?”) .
4. Turning points - keep the conversation in a strictly established direction or raise a whole range of new problems. (“How do you imagine the structure and distribution...?”).
5. Questions for reflection - force the interlocutor to reflect, carefully consider and comment on what has been said (“Did I understand your message correctly that...?, “Do you think that...?”).
PhaseIII. Argumentation
Little things that sometimes matter:
1. Use simple, clear, precise and convincing concepts.
2. The method and pace of argumentation must correspond to the temperament characteristics of the interlocutor.
3. Conduct the argument correctly in relation to the interlocutor, because this, especially with long-term contacts, will be much more profitable for you:
· always openly admit that your interlocutor is right when he is right, even if this may have unfavorable consequences for you;
· you can continue to operate only with those arguments that are accepted by the interlocutors;
· avoid empty phrases.
4. Adapt arguments to the personality of your interlocutor:
· direct the argument to the goals and motives of the interlocutor;
Avoid simply listing facts;
· use terminology that is understandable to your interlocutor.
5. Avoid non-business expressions and formulations that make argumentation and understanding difficult.
6. Try to present your evidence, ideas and considerations to your interlocutor as clearly as possible.
On the day of constructing an argument, we have 12 rhetorical argumentation methods in our arsenal:
1. Fundamental method. Represents a direct address to the interlocutor.
2. Method of contradiction. Based on identifying contradictions in the arguments against.
3. Method of drawing conclusions. It is based on precise argumentation, which gradually, through frequent conclusions, will lead you to the desired conclusion.
4. Comparison method.
5. The “yes..., but” method.
6. The “pieces” method. It consists of breaking down a speech in such a way that the individual parts are clearly distinguishable: “this is accurate,” “there are different points of view about this.”
7. “Boomerang” method.
8. Method of ignoring.
9. Potentiation method. The interlocutor, in accordance with his interests, shifts the emphasis and brings to the fore what suits him.
10. Method of "removal". Based on a gradual subjective change in the essence of the matter.
11. Survey method. Based on the fact that questions are asked in advance.
12. Visible support method.
Twelve Speculative Methods of Argumentation:
1. Exaggeration technique.
2. Anecdote technique.
4. Technique of discrediting the interlocutor. It is based on the rule: if I cannot refute the essence of the question, then at least I need to question the identity of the interlocutor.
5. The isolation technique is based on “pulling out” individual phrases from a speech, isolating them and presenting them in a truncated form so that they have a meaning opposite to the original one.
The technique of changing direction is that the interlocutor does not attack your arguments, but moves on to another issue that is essentially unrelated to the subject of discussion.
7. Displacement technique - the interlocutor does not actually move on to any one, precisely defined problem, exaggerates secondary problems taken from your speech.
8. The technique of misleading is based on the communication of confusing information, words that the interlocutor bombards you with.
9. Delay technique. Its purpose is to create obstacles to the discussion or delay it.
10. Appeal technique.
Rules for Conversation
It is a particularly dangerous form of “displacement” of the reasoning process (the interlocutor appeals for sympathy).
11. Distortion technique.
12. Question-trap technique. Includes 4 groups:
· repetition;
· extortion;
· alternative;
· counter-questions.
Phase IV. Refuting your interlocutor's arguments(neutralization of interlocutor’s comments)