- Sometimes parents unknowingly impose their fears on us or set high expectations. This often makes us unsure of our abilities.
- We shouldn’t blame our parents; they wanted the best for us. We have grown up and now we can take responsibility for our own lives.
Self-doubt and excessive shyness, as a rule, are rooted in childhood. Parents have a huge influence on a child's sense of self. They become a kind of mirror that praises, reflecting a beautiful picture, and criticizes, revealing flaws. The way our parents and other adults “reflect” us is imprinted on our psyche and influences the formation of our ideas about ourselves. Understanding how our parents influenced the development of self-confidence or shyness in each of us is the first step in restoring our self-esteem.
Self-doubt can be a defining characteristic of a person, but most often it manifests itself only in certain aspects of life. You are a confident professional, but you have problems communicating with friends and building close relationships... You cope well with the tasks given to you by your superiors, but lose ground when you need to raise the issue of a salary increase... Try to be as specific as possible Identify those areas of your life that are affected by your lack of self-confidence. This will help you better understand where the problem is rooted.
Self-doubt is always a product of a person's personal history
We are not born shy, too timid or anxious, we acquire these traits throughout our lives, encountering different situations and people, gaining one or another experience. Our relationships with parents and other adults are key to developing a sense of self - confident or not. You should not completely shift responsibility for your own neuroses and psychological problems to your parents. At the same time, there are several behavioral patterns that have a potential threat to a child’s self-esteem.
1. Swap your parents' dreams for your own.
“How clumsy you are!” - says the mother of her five-year-old daughter, looking irritably at the joyful, childishly plump child. The mother once dreamed of becoming a ballerina, but it didn’t work out, and now she consoles herself with the hope that at least her daughter will become the next Maya Plisetskaya.
Parents sometimes cannot resist and project onto their children their dreams of success, happiness or wealth: where they failed, their children will certainly succeed. Dreams in themselves have nothing wrong with them. However, often the wishes of the child themselves are not taken into account at all. Parents see in him only a future “champion”, a more successful version of themselves and are not ready to accept him for who he is. At this moment, a seed of doubt arises in the child’s mind: “Am I good enough? What do I need to do to be loved if simply being myself is clearly not enough?
A little later, the parents realize that their dreams will not come true. Instead of understanding themselves, they see the cause of disappointment in an imperfect child. As a result, children end up with self-doubt, as well as feelings of guilt and shame for not meeting parental expectations. Subsequently, these feelings can manifest themselves in any area of life - at work, in friendships, in personal life, in a person’s attitude towards his own body.
Perhaps right now you are still trying to be the picture of success for your parents. Try to separate your parents' desires from your own and take the first step towards what you have dreamed of since childhood.
2. Seek support in difficult situations
“My father always told me that I would definitely succeed in everything,” recalls Ekaterina. - Only now I understand that this was a form of rejection of my difficulties. My father had financial problems at the time, and he didn’t want to worry about me either. Now I have a little daughter growing up myself, and I don’t want to make his mistakes. In order for her to grow up to be confident, I need to be very attentive to the slightest signs of her shyness, such as her inability to make friends or fear of giving oral answers at school.” Often parents, absorbed in their own problems, may not notice that the child also has difficulties.
Growing up, such people suffer from general self-doubt: having no experience of support in alarming and difficult situations, they do not trust either themselves or the world. Their relationships with others are filled with fear of intimacy, mistrust and uncertainty that anyone is able to take them seriously.
Try to start trusting others, at least in small ways. Once you experience how life-saving support can be, it will become easier to overcome uncertainty.
3. Find the courage to take risks.
“We will never buy you a scooter, you will get into an accident.” For anxious parents, life is completely dangerous. This is why they tend to be overprotective of their children. This feeling of pervasive anxiety turns out to be very contagious! If parents are constantly battling imaginary dangers, their children are likely to internalize this mistrust of the world. The child begins to avoid any activity, especially those associated with emotional or physical risks. As a result, the necessary social skills are simply not trained, and the person gains self-doubt and self-doubt.
Anxiety can easily transform into fear of meeting new people or fear of being in charge. The resulting inhibitions and habitual fears can also manifest themselves in those areas of life that are not directly related to the original cause of anxiety - in problems at work, in relationships with friends and with a loved one.
The world is not as dangerous as your parents told you. You've probably wanted to try something for a long time, but didn't dare - perhaps now is the right time.
4. You are definitely capable of more.
Maria's parents always had pessimistic views on life. They never allowed their daughter to even dream of a prosperous and successful life. On the contrary, they instilled in her that “every cricket should know its nest,” “one should enjoy little things and not demand more from life.” As an adult, Maria never dared to go to college or quit her unfulfilling job.
Our internal ideas force us to change, grow and look for ways to develop. But to build these ideas, we need parents who will encourage us to listen to our desires.
Parents have their own path in life. Perhaps when they were young, changing jobs really was too much of a shock. But you don't have to inherit their fears and insecurities. You have your own life, in which there are many opportunities to become happier.
5. You don’t have to live up to your parents’ ideals.
“My daughter is completely unique. She is talented, smart, and also beautiful,” says the proud mother, introducing her daughter to her friends. And the little frightened girl at this moment wants only one thing: to fall through the ground! Excessive praise can be just as damaging to a child's self-esteem as devaluing remarks. Praise and compliments do not allow the child to form his own vision of himself and his potential. He is forced to compare his own self-image with the unattainable ideal depicted by his parent.
In adulthood, a person will suffer from a feeling of personal failure and emptiness. After all, no matter how hard he tries, the ideals drawn by his parents turn out to be an unbearable burden.
Try to accept yourself as imperfect. In the end, everyone has advantages and disadvantages.
6. Feel free to rejoice in your good fortune.
Unfortunately, there are some parents who see their children as rivals whose success can supposedly overshadow their own. Usually such people themselves are too childish or have unresolved psychological problems.
The child’s psyche registers such desires of the parents and can react to them in different ways. Often the child develops psychosomatic diseases. In this case, “flight” into illness may be a symbolic expression of the desire for security, which the child never had.
Another scenario is that a child quickly understands that his parents are only able to truly rejoice at his failures... And no matter what such a person does, he will unconsciously strive for failure everywhere: in work, study, family. Fears, prohibitions and anxieties received in childhood will help him “succeed” in this.
The relationship between children and parents plays a key role in developing a child's self-confidence. It is important to remember that an emotionally dysfunctional childhood, although it can be an obstacle to achieving success, is not an insurmountable obstacle. When you were a child, your parents' words and actions had a huge impact on you, but that is no longer the case. You are an independent adult, you are fully capable of creating a happy future for yourself, and only you will be responsible for how it turns out.
7. Don't blame your parents
Susan Jeffers, author of Be Afraid...But Take Action! How to turn fear from an enemy into an ally,” offers her own way to gain self-confidence. We need to accept that fear is an integral part of our lives, and turning it into confidence is a task for each of us. “Gaining self-confidence begins when you can say: “I’m not going to blame my parents or my classmates at school who bullied me. I'm going to take responsibility for my life here and now,” says Jeffers.
To gain self-confidence, it is important to understand that everyone inevitably faces setbacks and failures. At the same time, it depends only on us whether we can gain some experience from this or fall into the abyss of self-deprecation and self-doubt.
None of life's lessons can be entirely negative. “Imagine going for a job interview and not getting hired. What's next? You can blame yourself for not making a good enough impression, or you can look at the situation from a different angle. What lesson can you learn from this experience? Have you prepared well enough? Is there anything you could have done differently to get this position? Was this job really the one you wanted? Look for meaning in what happened, rather than become depressed. If you allow yourself to become discouraged, you will not learn anything from the situation.”
Look for new activities that will bring you joy and satisfaction.
There is an opinion that if a person is too dependent on work or relationships, he is not confident in himself. Jeffers agrees: “When the one thing you depend on falls apart, your life inevitably becomes empty. To maintain self-confidence, it is very important to make your life eventful and rich in impressions and events.”
Start with what works. This will give you confidence. Look for new activities that will bring you joy and satisfaction. Imperceptibly, you will find that your abilities no longer seem so limited to you, and you feel confident in your own abilities.
Mark Twain
There is no person who would not like to be confident, because confidence plays a very important role in our lives; it determines what our life will be like - successful or unsuccessful. You know this very well, and I know it, therefore, despite the articles already available on this site devoted to this issue, I return to it again and plan to return in the future, until all my materials help you, dear readers, gain confidence in to yourself. Together we will achieve success in this matter! You will definitely become a very confident person, and then many doors will open for you, you will begin to live life to the fullest, you will be able to realize many of your dreams and desires, you will fully realize yourself and become a happy person.
There are many ways to become a confident person, which I wrote about earlier and not only me. All of them, to one degree or another, need attention to themselves, they all need elaboration. But there are ways that, more than others, have a positive impact on a person’s self-confidence, and in this article we will talk about one of these methods. We will talk about perhaps the most important way to increase self-confidence - about our victories and successes that each of us needs to strive for. A successful person, a winner, will always be confident in himself, because he will feel his strength thanks to his successes and victories. And success and victories, in turn, will depend on confidence, thanks to which a person can achieve his goals despite any difficulties. In general, friends, you and I need to understand all these relationships so that you know exactly what you need to do and why in order to gain confidence.
First of all, a person needs to learn to correctly relate to his failures, defeats, mistakes, mistakes, he needs to learn to understand them. His ability to achieve success in various matters will depend on this. After all, it is through failures, defeats and mistakes that the path to success lies. And in order to overcome this path, you need to be able to withstand the blows of fate and not give up. Then success is inevitable. But it is difficult, especially for people with weak character. If a person constantly fails in various things, his self-confidence will decline. This is natural, natural and quite normal, since any failure shows a person his weakness and inability to live, therefore he cannot rely on himself, cannot believe in himself, in himself and in his strength. But he must understand that if he does not give up and continues to fight, then his perseverance and perseverance will sooner or later be crowned with success, they will allow him to win and achieve success. Therefore, difficulties must either be overcome, if you have the strength to do so, or, if you cannot overcome them, then you need to bypass them and go around them, and for this you need to be a fairly smart, flexible, calculating, cunning person. So, a weakness of character can be compensated for by a host of other qualities, but first you need to develop these qualities in yourself. This whole thing is profitable, you can make a winner out of any person, I am absolutely sure of that. The main thing is to find an approach to each person. Remember that winners are not born, they are made. And self-confidence is not a gift from God, but a consequence of proper human development. It is important to understand that you should never, under any circumstances, give in to difficulties, you need to fight, you need to look for opportunities, you need to endure until at least an insignificant positive result is achieved, which will instill in a person hope and faith in ultimate success. Therefore, learning the ability to overcome difficulties and achieve your goals must begin with small victories, but at the same time, it is advisable to ensure that they are regular, then the degree of confidence in a person will slowly but surely grow.
If a person achieves success in life, if he wins, his self-confidence grows, he trusts himself, he sees his strength, sees his capabilities, sees his adaptability to life, and even sees and feels his superiority over other people. This is also important for us, that’s who we are. So, in order to become a self-confident person, you need to learn to win, you need to start achieving success in various matters, primarily related to a person’s satisfaction of his natural needs. This is a very important point that must be taken into account - I mean the importance of a person satisfying his natural needs. The fact is that you can be a successful person, a winner, in some matters of little significance for real life, but these small victories, this dubious success, will not make a person truly self-confident. Of course, he will gain some kind of self-confidence from minor successes, especially if he attaches great importance to them, but the further these successes are from real life, from the real needs of a person, the weaker this confidence will be.
For example, a person, let it be a man, can be a very good chess player who constantly beats everyone at chess and he can be considered a successful person, a winner, but only in the game of chess. Of course, success in this game will give this man self-confidence, but if at the same time he has serious problems with money, if he does not have a beloved woman, if other men do not communicate with him whom he could consider his friends - he will feel extremely insecure, and in especially severe cases - a complete loser. The thing is that failures in matters more important to life and a person’s inability to satisfy his natural needs, as a rule, have a much stronger impact on his psyche than success, even very great, in matters of less importance. However, there are exceptions that only confirm this rule. Therefore, friends, you need victories like air, but in matters that relate to real, and not to virtual, imaginary life. Of course, you should start with small victories, with small successes in small but important matters in life, gradually striving for greater and greater heights. And you should always remember that life does not consist of only victories; there is also a place for defeats, setbacks, and mistakes, which sometimes happen very often. And if you do not treat them with understanding, you will never come to success, wastingly avoiding the defeats and failures that lead to it. This means that you will not be able to gain self-confidence.
How can you learn to win victories that are important for your life in order to use them to increase self-confidence, and how not to be afraid of failures, mistakes, mistakes, defeats that stand in the way of success? This task is, in fact, not easy, since it requires an individual approach to each specific person who needs to be taught to win in order to instill in him a taste for victories and success. To carry it out, it is necessary to take into account the person’s personal characteristics and his life history. After all, different people are capable of different tasks, some need to start with small victories, some are capable of more complex things, and some can immediately aim for great achievements. Everyone has their own capabilities.
When I help people gain self-confidence, I study their lives and themselves very carefully, starting from childhood. This allows me to develop for each person an individual recipe for achieving success, guided by which they are guaranteed to win in matters that are truly significant for their lives, taking into account their desires and needs. If a person is poor, I help him improve his financial situation, if he is lonely, I help him find friends and a soul mate, and so on. In general, I help a person win where he needs to win. At the same time, he and I begin the path to success from the very first steps that he can take, from the smallest, but very important victories. Thanks to small victories, which later develop into big victories, people gradually increase their self-confidence, and therefore they themselves, without anyone’s help, achieve success in a variety of things, thereby increasing their confidence.
So, to put it simply, you need victories to increase your self-confidence, and not in some unimportant matters in life, but in serious, important matters that are directly related to your basic needs, and only then to all of yours. desires. But achieving these victories can sometimes be difficult if there is no clear action plan that takes into account a person’s current capabilities. It is not so easy to achieve success in a business in which you need to be able to show your strongest qualities and beat other people who also want to be first, want to be the best, want to be winners. Therefore, an individual program for achieving success is needed, and in those matters in which it is easier for each specific person to achieve success at the first stage. Self-confidence should grow gradually, as a person overcomes various difficulties and obstacles that he is able to overcome. But great and quick successes, which some people are able to achieve mainly only thanks to a successful combination of circumstances, most often make them overly self-confident and inadequately assessing themselves and their capabilities, and then only for a short time, since external circumstances are constantly changing, and along with them, the self-confidence of those who depend on these circumstances and rely on them changes. Therefore, you need to learn to go to success yourself, and not wait for it to come to you.
An important role in the issue of self-confidence is also played by a person’s attitude towards the victories and successes that already exist and previously existed in his life, which must be able to recognize and highlight against the background of everything else. People usually remember the bad better than the good, they remember their failures, they remember grievances, they remember the evil that happened in their lives. But the good things are often forgotten by them, successes, especially if there were few of them, are also forgotten, but at the same time, our self-confidence is based precisely on them - on our successes and victories. Let you make a hundred mistakes, but the hundred and first time you will achieve success - it is this hundred and first time that you should count as your asset, it is this that you need to remember throughout your life, it is this that you need to use as a moral support when solving your current and future tasks and problems, and while overcoming various difficulties. If you know that you can, that you are capable, that you have the strength to solve any problems and achieve success in any business, because you have already managed to do this before, then you will definitely solve your problems, you will definitely achieve success and your self-confidence will inevitably increase . Our past victories and achievements are our strength. We don’t need to pump up our psyche with all sorts of nonsense, because of which a person imagines himself as a kind of superman who is capable of anything, we just need to know about our strength and focus our attention on it.
Your self-confidence, friends, is your shield from any difficulties and adversities, and it is also your energy necessary to achieve success in life. Therefore, you need to build it piece by piece, or even grain of sand, depending on the characteristics of your life. Victories lead a person to self-confidence, and self-confidence leads him to even greater victories, thus increasing himself. Learn to win, learn to bypass and overcome all kinds of obstacles, depending on your capabilities, learn to see yourself as a strong person whom you can trust. And don’t even think about letting yourself down - if you promise yourself to do something, do it, and always be sure to bring all your tasks to the end. Otherwise, you won’t be able to trust yourself, which means you won’t be able to believe in yourself.
37 975 1 Confidence is a feeling due to which the interaction of a person’s inner world with the external conditions of life occurs. It shows how developed a person’s inner feelings are: fortitude, faith in oneself, in one’s ability to solve assigned problems and find ways out of current situations.Confidence is built throughout life. However, this incipient feeling can be either strengthened or destroyed on your own or with the help of people around you. The foundation for proper development of confidence is laid in childhood.
Childhood is the foundation of adult confidence
When a person is born, his life and health depend on the people around him - his parents. And the future of their child depends on how they structure the upbringing process.
When the child began to show his first achievements, for example, he took out a toy himself, took his first steps, parents should support and praise him. It is this praise that will give the child confidence in his abilities and lay the foundation for the correct development of personal quality - confidence. However, to prevent confidence from developing into self-confidence in the future, praise should be given in moderation and for achievements that are truly important for the child.
If he is praised for any reason, he will stop realistically assessing his strengths and this will lead to the development of self-confidence and pride.
Confidence and self-confidence differ from each other by the presence of a real, adequate assessment of one’s strengths and achievements.
When deprived of praise in childhood, a person develops complexes and begins to lack self-confidence. This can be corrected in adulthood, but it will require a lot of strength and patience.
Adequate self-esteem
A woman’s degree of self-confidence depends on her self-esteem, which can be low, normal or high. Adequate self-esteem allows you to confidently behave in society and live in harmony with yourself and the world around you.
Self-esteem is developed based on a person's behavior. There are two main models of behavior:
With the first model of behavior, a person has more positive things in life, he is independent of the opinions of others, he is more open and confident in his abilities. Self-esteem is formed normally.
In the second case, the person does not fully open up, he is cautious, does not take risks and seeks constant confirmation of his fears. Self-esteem is low and unless behavior changes it will not improve.
To achieve something in life, you need to be able to be self-critical of your achievements and evaluate them objectively; this is only possible with normal self-esteem.
Causes of self-doubt
The main reasons for self-doubt:
- Ignorance of one's "I".
During her life, a woman goes through a number of roles: girl, girl, woman, wife, mother, employee, grandmother. And at every stage of life, she identifies herself with the role she performs. She “merges” with the role so much that if she is taken away, the woman will be confused and will not be able to find her “I”.
For example, when identifying herself with children after they have grown up and no longer need round-the-clock care, a woman loses the meaning of life, which becomes a big blow to her internal mechanisms. If life had its own goals, then as children grow up, life will not lose meaning, only the emphasis on being busy will shift.
- Lack of meaning in life.
Lack of meaning in life causes anxiety and uncertainty. The woman does not know “where she is going” and “why she needs this.” All actions are accompanied by a lack of positivity and desire. While a woman who knows the highest goal of her life is filled with positivity, confidence in herself and her future.
- Live only with your head.
If a woman succumbs to progress, the latest technologies and begins to live only with her “head,” joy disappears from her life. Emotions do not burst out, intuition freezes, this can “result” in a woman’s uncertainty. When she cannot explain some action from a scientific point of view, her built inner world will be shaken.
- Ignorance of your values.
Lack of personal values leads to internal conflict. Without a foundation, a person cannot build his future. He may be lost between choices: and not understand how he can combine them together and live happily.
It is difficult for a person who lacks self-confidence to refuse people around him; he cannot simply say “no,” as a result of which his own interests fade into the background. The inability to refuse leads to the need to perform various tasks that cause discomfort. The constant feeling of which makes you feel uncertain about the possibilities of achieving your goals.
It is difficult for an insecure woman to arrange her personal life and express herself in society: build a career, have healthy relationships with others. A state of uncertainty leads to the fact that a person begins to give in to everyone, infringing on his personal interests, and feels uncertain about the future, in the future. One's own goals are not achieved because decisions are not made independently, but only on the advice of others. As a result, anger towards the people around him occurs. It is very difficult for a woman with such feelings to arrange her personal life, since men want to see a confident person next to them. But a woman is not always able to recognize signs of self-doubt in time.
Signs of self-doubt
In order not to earn yourself an inferiority complex, you need to listen to yourself and, when you notice alarm bells from the subconscious, immediately take measures to prevent the condition from worsening.
These “calls” include:
- unreasonable fear of solving assigned tasks;
- feeling of internal discomfort;
- acute reaction to the opinions of others;
- self-affirmation at the expense of the weaker;
- emotional insecurity;
- fear of expressing your opinion in a group.
If any of the above appears, you need to start fighting the manifestation of uncertainty.
How to overcome self-doubt
To overcome self-doubt, there are many psychological trainings, but if you cannot attend them, you can begin to “remake” yourself. So how to overcome self-doubt?
Let's consider the psychologist's advice that you need to understand and overcome when ridding yourself of uncertainty.
- Forget childhood grievances and live in the present.
- Behave in accordance with your inner worldview. Do not pay attention to the opinions of others if it interferes with getting positive things out of life.
- Don't expect praise from others. You can start praising yourself.
- Don't compare yourself to others, especially more successful people. You shouldn’t envy them, but you need to learn from them the determination to achieve your goals, regardless of the expectations of others. It is better to compare your achievements of today and yesterday.
- Learn to enjoy your failures and benefit from them. Don't get upset or despair.
- Don't dwell on defeats.
By setting yourself up in this way, over time you will notice that there are fewer failures, and more pleasure from life!
A woman who is unsure of her abilities will avoid situations where she needs to defend her opinion or express it openly. Therefore, to train practical skills, you should create such situations for yourself and try to go through them.
For example:
- go to a stylish clothing store and try on the things you like, and if the help of the seller is not required, politely but decisively refuse. After which, without buying anything, calmly leave the store;
- in crowded public transport, ask any man to give you a seat;
- in a cafe or any other public place, approach the man you like and speak to him first.
Carrying out such practical situations will not always produce the desired result. However, you shouldn’t be upset, you need to find something positive, “sort out” your behavior and not repeat the mistakes you made. For example, the tone of voice when addressing someone with a question should not contain pleading notes.
- speak loudly and clearly, but do not shout;
- look your interlocutor in the eyes, sometimes look away so that it does not seem aggressive;
- don't constantly apologize;
- maintain an even posture;
- do not humiliate your interlocutor;
- treat all people with respect.
A woman who is unsure of her abilities must learn to act decisively in all life situations. The first achievements of your goals will significantly increase your self-esteem, which will add confidence.
Every woman wants to be paid attention to, listen to her opinion and admire her. To do this, you need to become a strong, confident woman, then others simply cannot help but notice you.
You need to know that changing your image will require time and not little. To become a more confident woman, you need to change your inner state, change your attitude towards others and love yourself.
Before starting changes, decide what qualities are inherent in confident and strong women in order to develop them in yourself.
Qualities of a confident woman |
|
| 1 | willpower |
| 2 | |
| 3 | clearly defined personal boundaries |
| 4 | internally free and independent |
| 5 | stress resistance |
| 6 | determination |
| 7 | determination |
| 8 | restraint |
| 9 | education |
| 10 | optimism and positive attitude |
| 11 | communication skills |
| 12 | normal self-esteem |
| 13 | constant self-development |
| 14 | knowing your weaknesses |
| 15 | focus on results |
| 16 | emotional control |
After compiling a list of qualities, note those that you already have and strive to achieve those that you don’t. At the same time, you need to be prepared that this will require an investment of time, willpower, and you need to set yourself up to get results. Stop blaming your genes or upbringing, your life is only in your hands! You can become whoever you want and get everything you need for a comfortable existence.
The appearance of a confident woman
A strong woman can be different, for example, domineering and demanding or soft and leisurely. At the same time, no one undertakes to challenge her opinion or instructions. So, what kind of confident woman is she?
For a girl to feel confident in herself, everything must be perfect, not only internally, but also externally.
A strong, confident woman should have well-groomed face and body skin, healthy hair, a beautiful manicure, well-applied makeup and well-groomed hands. There should be no slouched posture, obsessive and disorderly gestures. A confident woman should carry herself with dignity, have an even posture and stylish clothes.
All external components, together with internal qualities, make up the image of a confident and strong girl.
Differences between a confident woman and an insecure woman
For clarity, let’s look at the main qualities of a confident and insecure woman, presented in a table:
Appearance and internal qualities | Confident woman | Unsure woman |
| Sight | Straight calm | Down running |
| Posture | Rovnaya | Drooping |
| Speech | Clear loud | Muffled, with an apologetic intonation |
| External image | Neat, stylish | Ordinary, not attracting attention |
| Emotions | Positive perception of life | Pessimistic mood |
| Life goals | Clearly delineated | Blurred or missing |
| Self-esteem | Adequate | Understated |
The behavior of a confident woman is based on the presence of these qualities. Such a woman knows her worth, she adequately assesses her goals and the possibilities of achieving them.
A confident and self-sufficient woman has an image that meets three basic rules:
A perfect appearance will give you self-confidence. Well-groomed skin of the hands and face, professional makeup and manicure together with stylish clothes will raise self-esteem. Also, an even posture and a beautiful figure will add confidence and faith in your abilities.
When communicating, your gaze should be straight and your head held high. You must be able to restrain the appearance of emotions on your face, especially anger and malice, which will repel your interlocutor. At the same time, friendliness can be expressed simply with a smile.
How quickly you will be understood depends on the ability to correctly express your thoughts. Therefore, there are also rules here, it is recommended:
- When considering any issue or controversial situation, start building a sentence with the emphasis that you are expressing your personal opinion. That is, start with the words “I think”, “I believe”, “I will be glad”, but don’t build a sentence with the phrase “ You" or " You“, since this will sound like a complaint to a specific person and will cause him to protest against accepting your views.
- If during communication a person gets lost or confused in his thoughts, you can prompt and guide him.
- Words spoken in your company that are unpleasant to you should be stopped immediately.
- Express your thoughts specifically without phrases “I’ll think about it”, “maybe”, “I don’t know”.
- Stay calm and communicate politely and positively.
These rules will help you overcome fear, embarrassment and self-doubt, and become a more decisive, respectable woman.
Men are attracted to confident women
A woman with low self-esteem finds it difficult to attract a man's attention. Because she will get lost under his gaze and feel insecure. Moreover, if the relationship works out, the woman will be tormented by doubts, and the resulting uncertainty in the man will lead to frequent outbreaks of unreasonable jealousy. Such uncertainty in a relationship will exhaust the woman, the man will feel her hesitation and there is a high probability that such a relationship will fall apart.
Most men love confident women with adequate self-esteem. A girl with a positive attitude, a smile, a stylish appearance, and at the same time with a confident life position, a sense of tact and all-round development, will always be the center of male attention.
However, a very confident woman who turns into overconfidence, considering herself superior to others, will push a man away. Because a young man next to such a girl will begin to feel an inferiority complex.
Men love confident women because it is pleasant to spend time with them, both alone and in society. They inspire admiration and attract the attention of people around them. A confident man who knows his worth will not become unreasonably jealous, but will only enjoy seeing the admiring glances turned to his companion.
Thus, if the upbringing received in childhood did not lay the foundation for the development of a strong and self-confident personality, this can be done independently in adulthood. However, it will take willpower, time and desire to change for the better. A confident woman evokes delight and admiration; she achieves her goals while remaining friendly and polite.
The next video is about whether it is even possible to become a confident woman. How to do this?
How to become a successful, confident and happy person in just five minutes? Want to try it?
You can become more confident and significantly increase your self-esteem quite quickly. 3 main principles of self-confidence will help you with this. These are the tips of the famous psychologist and relationship expert Irina Udilova.
1. The “Translator” principle
The first of them is the “Translator” principle. The principle of the “Translator” is to use, broadcast in your life, spread around yourself only those things, those values, that knowledge that you yourself are very pleased with. For example, of course, it is very important for you to receive respect; it is very important for you to live among people who value, love, respect you and, even if they criticize you, do it with love. The most important thing, the most basic thing: be sure to distribute exactly what you like. Don’t talk about those things that make you sad, depressed, disappointed, throw you into some state when you don’t want to do anything at all - you give up. Don't allow these things to happen in your life. Be sure to broadcast, broadcast what you really like. What we broadcast, we ourselves multiply in our lives. This is the magic wand that greatly affects your confidence, your success, and how you feel.
2. The principle of “Clay Pots”
The second principle that will definitely allow you to become self-confident is the “Clay Pots” principle. It certainly sounds tempting: what kind of pots? And it turns out that back in the nineties, American scientists conducted an interesting experiment. They assembled two groups. One group was given the task: “Make pots, as many pots as possible.” And the second group was told: “Make good pots, quality ones, so that every pot is perfect.” And what do you think was the result? Which group made more quality pots? It turned out that there were more of them in the first group. Those people who didn’t bother, those people who acted, everything turned out much easier for them. And, of course, you also noticed that when you are in some creative process, when you act, you have more energy, more joy. And when you doubt, measure, prepare, then tension and fear grow. The future result is always on my mind. And all the doubts, fear, tension - this is what exactly prevents us from doing what we want in life, and doing it at a good level. Remember that all the doubts, all the improvements, all the improvements that we usually really want to make in any of our business are just marking time. We do not allow ourselves to act at this moment. And microsteps are your precise progress towards what you want, towards the goal that inspires you. Allow yourself to make mistakes, allow yourself to “walk”, act and enjoy it.
3. The principle of “Sufficiency”
And the third principle, which will definitely allow you to become self-confident, is the principle of “Sufficiency”. It is based on the principle of insufficiency, that there will not be enough of everything. This is our childhood. When we were little, we always wanted someone to give us at least something else: candy, sweets, attention. And in this position we always remain children. An adult knows for sure that right now he has in his hands everything he needs to improve his life, in order to help someone else. When a person gives, he has a feeling inside that this is a lot, this is enough. And the more often you are in this position, the more effective you will be in your life, the more effective you will be in what you do for other people. Thanks to the feeling of sufficiency, the feeling that you have enough, you have the strength to share it with others. And this is what allows us to change our world radically, allows us to contact each other, be useful to each other, and unites the whole world.
And these were exactly the 3 principles that right now, within five minutes, will allow you to feel more confident, happier, because you have everything you need:
- You can broadcast those things that are important to you and valuable to you.
- You have your sufficiency.
- And the third thing is to sculpt pots, act and do it with pleasure, with joy.
This is what will affect your world and the world in general.
Be confident in yourself and everything in your life will be top-notch!
Arthur Golovin
Interesting
Before we dive headfirst into building true self-confidence, let's take a step back and try to understand what confidence is.
Confidence is knowing that what you have will later become what you want and make you happier. This is a necessary condition for an idea to become an action.
Confidence is the ability to believe in yourself when a big deal comes up, raise your hand when an interesting project comes up, or speak at a conference (and without any anxiety!). Confidence is not a 100% guarantee that everything will always work out, but it helps you get out of your comfort zone, expand your boundaries and set a course for success.
Statistics confirm that success has more to do with confidence than competence. So here are five steps to self-confidence.
1. Act confident
As strange as it may sound, in order to learn to be truly confident, you can first fake confidence. In the wild, some animals pretend to be brave in the face of danger. Pretend too.
Self-hypnosis doesn't work. Our brain analyzes and compares our expectations with our experience and real life situation. If these two aspects do not correspond to each other, the brain goes out of control and you begin to experience stress. Anxiety and negative thoughts appear, due to which all self-confidence disappears. So what should we do?
Better prepare for an exciting situation, rehearse in front of a mirror (pay attention to both the tone of your voice and facial expressions) and look at others positively, enjoy communicating with them. This will give the brain “sufficient reason” to believe that our positive attitude corresponds to a favorable external situation, and confidence will appear on its own.
2. Remember that you expect more from yourself than others expect from you.
The good news is that the whole world will believe what you show. Thank God, no one can read your thoughts or know about your fears and anxiety.
The bad news: you can misinterpret any sideways glance, any random word, any reaction of people to your actions, and then worry about this (thought up by you) issue.
In this case, psychologists recommend listening to your inner voice (don’t be alarmed ahead of time, no one is going to persuade you to engage in self-hypnosis). Try a little experiment: for one week, write down what thoughts are spinning in your head (exact wording) when you feel a lack of self-confidence.
By simply recording and analyzing your self-talk, you'll be one step closer to reducing and hopefully eliminating these thoughts.
In addition, it is useful to write down and keep on hand a list of your achievements, experiences, events that made you feel important, confident, and understand that your actions are beneficial.
Every time your inner voice gets out of hand, take a three-minute break, pick up a list, and remind yourself how good you can be. Provide your brain with tangible evidence when you need extra reassurance.
3. Monitor your physical condition
I understand that it is a cliché to say that you need to take care of your health, but this cliché did not appear out of nowhere. Have you ever wondered why all successful leaders, without exception, exercise regularly? If you overwork, eat fast food, don't sleep enough, and lead a mostly sedentary lifestyle, it becomes harder to show the world the best version of yourself.
You don't need to train until you drop for several hours a day: a 30-minute walk from work to home or climbing the stairs to the 10th floor can be enough to release endorphins. Start with small changes in your usual lifestyle and gradually get used to them.
Difficulties and, accordingly, stress need to be added to your life in very small portions. It is necessary to trick yourself so that both physical and mental health are in balance.
4. Increase your output, change your internal dialogue
Do you know why most people's communication skills leave much to be desired? Because they are in their own thoughts. Instead of focusing on their interlocutor and demonstrating their affection, they think about how not to blurt out something stupid and what smart thing to say next. The main reason for this behavior: they were poorly prepared.
It's almost impossible to be truly confident if you haven't prepared enough to put your best face forward. Think about the people you are talking to. What do they really want? What's stopping them? How can you help them?
If you focus on helping your interlocutor, you will get rid of anxiety and receive the same genuine interest in response.
This method is worth using to promote your services or if you want to make an impression at any event.
Take the time to research materials on the topic and your audience. Every hour spent doing this activity will bring a disproportionately large result. And what happens when you get positive feedback? You guessed it - you will gain lasting, genuine self-confidence.
5. Fail fast, fail often.
The dreaded word that paralyzes even great people and prevents them from achieving success is failure. It especially haunts those who are perfectionists by nature and are chronically afraid of doing something wrong.
But failures happen in our lives, it’s simply inevitable. In fact, if you don't make mistakes, it means you're not learning anything new. Remember Ramit Sethi’s saying more often: “It’s not a failure, it’s a test.”
You're just checking that it won't work. And when you know this, you can move on and find ways that will lead to the desired result.
And most importantly: once you come to your senses after another “failure,” you realize that you don’t feel empty. After all, it is these experiences that help you face your fears and achieve your goals in the future.