What are the rules of good etiquette? Good manners in modern society. Etiquette in clothing

Rules of conduct are designed to regulate our everyday life in society, help us communicate, set the necessary boundaries, beyond which leads at a minimum to ignorance and bad manners, and at a maximum are regarded as deviant behavior. The rules governing behavior in society are called “etiquette.”

What is this?

Etiquette is a set of rules of human behavior towards people in different life situations. There are five groups of basic etiquette rules:

• ability to present oneself– the rules relate to a person’s appearance: dress with taste, take care of your skin and figure, maintain your posture, walk gracefully, gesticulate moderately and appropriately;
• rules of speech and communication - manner and tone of speech, the ability to competently express one’s thoughts, greet, say goodbye, forgive, build a constructive conflict;
• table etiquette– neatness at the table and while eating, the ability to properly use cutlery and set the table;
• rules of behavior in society– ability to behave in public places (museums, theaters, libraries, hospitals, etc.);
• Business Etiquette– ability to build relationships with colleagues, superiors, manner of conducting business politely and with respect for partners.

Anyone who is able to use the basic rules gives the impression of being a well-mannered and polite person with whom it is pleasant to communicate and build relationships. They are ready to meet such a person halfway; they gladly do favors for him and fulfill his requests for help.

In addition to the main groups of etiquette, there are some gender differences in the rules of conduct for men, women, and children.

Rules of good manners for men

A well-bred man should be dressed tastefully and appropriately. He communicates politely with the girl, his speech is calm, devoid of harshness and high pitch. He is always ready to help a woman and it doesn’t matter whether she is familiar to him or not. For example, lifting heavy bags of groceries to a neighbor down the street, opening the car door to a girl and offering his hand or letting her in first at the entrance - this is natural and easy for him. A man must be attentive to women's needs.

He is also polite with the male sex, does not show his superiority and does not brag. He resolves conflicts through polite dialogue and is not the first to get into trouble. He is fair with subordinates, does not raise his voice, is respectful of the work of other people, values ​​their time and effort. In a word, a worthy man.

Basic rules for men:

• if, inviting someone to a restaurant, a man says: “I invite you,” then this means that he is ready to pay for this person;
• when walking next to a woman, a man should be on her left side, and only military personnel can be on her right to salute if necessary;
• You should always open the door for a woman and let her in first;
• when getting out of the car, you need to open the door and shake hands with the woman;
• help the woman put on her coat and temporarily hold her purse if necessary.

Etiquette for women

All generally binding rules also apply to women. A woman should be able to present herself - this applies to both appearance and manner of communication. The image must be chosen tastefully and appropriately.

Polite dialogue, tact, modesty, a straight back and a beautiful gait are the ideal for a modern woman. She competently shows signs of attention to men.

Open flirting with a man is inappropriate, as is excessive intrusiveness, since such behavior is called “frivolity.”

When communicating with a man, a woman should be respectful and tactful, but at the same time know her rights. She has the right to refuse intrusive signs of attention and warn the man that he is going beyond what is permissible.

Women who are naturally more emotional must skillfully hide negative emotions in society, avoid high-pitched voices, swear words, and even excessive displays of joy.

Basic rules for women:

• You cannot wear a hat and mittens indoors, but you can wear a hat and gloves;
• bright makeup is appropriate only at parties;
• it is necessary to use perfume in moderation: if a woman smells her perfume, it means that there is too much of it;
• It is required to observe moderation in jewelry: do not wear rings over gloves and mittens - you can wear a bracelet, and the maximum number of jewelry, including decorative buttons, is considered to be 13 items.

Standards of conduct for children

The first thing parents should remember is that the child imitates them.

Therefore, it is necessary to be the right example for your child in everything and carefully regulate his behavior in public places and on the playground.

Children from two and a half years old usually greet everyone and say goodbye with pleasure - this behavior should be encouraged towards familiar adults and children.

On the playground, your toys are always uninteresting until they interest another child. In this case, you need to offer children an exchange of toys for a while - this way the children will learn to share more calmly and ask permission to play with someone else’s toy.

Any child from 3-4 years old, and even more so his parents, should know that it is forbidden to make noise on the bus, run around in the store and shout.

As children grow older, they should be taught the correct manner of communication with parents, adults, and in educational institutions - with teachers and educators. Appropriate behavior for children over 6 years of age:

• you cannot interrupt or interfere in the conversation of adults, be insolent and rude to elders and teachers;
• treat older people with politeness and respect, help them on the street or in transport;
• behave decently in public places: do not run around the store, do not shout in museums and theaters and similar places.

But when teaching children the rules of etiquette, it is necessary to remember about safety rules: children can sometimes be too helpful, and criminals can take advantage of this.

General rules

Below are the current generally accepted rules of conduct:

• Greetings- this is a necessary sign of politeness to an acquaintance or person with whom you need to make an acquaintance. In addition, upon entering the room, you must say hello first.
• Parting. “Leaving in English” is indecent in our society. Therefore, when closing the door behind you, you must say goodbye.
• Gratitude- for the service rendered to the service personnel, for the help of family, friends, to the stranger who held the elevator doors.
• Decent appearance – neat, clean clothing that is appropriate for the location and weather, as well as maintaining personal hygiene.

What not to do:

• Coming to visit without notice - you must notify your visit in advance, even to your family and friends, because unexpected guests bring a lot of trouble.
• Read someone else's correspondence and look into someone else's smartphone. A person has the right to privacy.
• Ask uncomfortable questions: ask about salary, ask about personal matters, unless, of course, the interlocutor himself touches on the topic of private life.
• Argue and conflict furiously. In a conflict situation, a well-mannered person does not shout at his opponent, does not stoop to insults, and calmly presents his arguments.
• Enter a closed room without knocking. It is imperative to knock on a closed door, both at home and at work, when entering the office of a colleague or boss, thereby saving the person behind the door from an awkward situation.

Below are the rules for public places.

• It is required to maintain silence in appropriate premises: in the library, hospital, museum, theater, cinema.
• You cannot litter on the street, in the park or any other public places.
• It is prohibited to smoke and drink alcohol on street benches, and even more so near children's playgrounds.
• Spitting, picking your nose, blowing your nose on the sidewalk is unacceptable - it is not only uncivilized, but also disgusts passers-by.
• When making your way through a crowd, you need to use the following words: “let me pass,” “let me,” “be kind.”

• When going to a theater, restaurant, political event or corporate party, you need to choose the right outfit.
• In a movie or theater, you need to make your way to your seats facing those sitting. If the seats are in the middle, then you need to go to them in advance, so as not to cause inconvenience to the outermost seated spectators.
• You are not allowed to eat during the performance - there is an intermission and a buffet for that.
• After the performance, a man should go to the wardrobe himself and take a coat for his lady, while helping her put it on.
• You can’t talk loudly in the museum, and you shouldn’t jostle when making your way to the exhibits. There is no need to rush - you should calmly move from one exhibit to another and not touch them with your hands. It is necessary to listen to the guide and not interrupt him, ask questions only after he asks for it.

• The umbrella should be dried in any room closed.
• You cannot put your phone on the table at a party, in restaurants, or during an interview - this is a sign of disrespect, which is regarded as a reluctance to communicate with the interlocutor.
• Larger bags, suitcases, and briefcases cannot be placed on the table in a restaurant or cafe. Bags are hung on the arm of a chair, and a briefcase or travel bag is placed next to the chair on the floor. Only a small, elegant handbag is allowed to be placed on the table.

Etiquette in public transport

The rules are as follows:

• When entering any public transport or metro, you must let those leaving.
• You need to go straight to the empty seats, do not linger at the doors.
• Give way to elderly people, pregnant women and women with children and people with limited mobility.
• If you hit someone or accidentally push them, you need to apologize.

Etiquette in the store

• When entering a store, you first need to let people leaving, then let pregnant women, elderly people and people with limited mobility in first, and only then go in yourself.
• You cannot enter the store with animals, a lit cigarette or ice cream.
• The seller should be thanked for his service.
• Damaged goods must be returned with a polite explanation.
• The queue in the store must be respected, but women with young children, pregnant women and people with limited mobility should be allowed to go ahead.

General rules of decency are a tool that regulates the limits beyond which one should not go in society.

Subtleties of communication

The psychological component of our life is communication. In primitive society, people communicated only through gestures and sounds. Now it happens in different ways. In the modern world there are two main types of communication:

• Verbal- using speech. This is the most basic way by which the entire planet communicates.
• Nonverbal– with the help of gestures, facial expressions and feelings: tactile, visual, auditory, olfactory. Not only people, but also animals communicate using feelings and gestures.

Communication regulates relationships in everyday life, at work, in family life, that is, in absolutely every area of ​​life. Therefore, it will not be superfluous to know about some subtleties that will help you understand others and be understood yourself:

• Ability to listen and hear. The ability to listen helps to understand a person's feelings. Being heard is very important to us, and therefore people who have this ability immediately inspire trust and gratitude. To learn to listen, you need to tune in to the interlocutor who wants to convey his feelings or expectations. To do this, you need to leave your thoughts for a while, listen and not interrupt him until the person speaks out and expects advice from the listener.
• The ability to express your negative feelings is mandatory in family life. It is important to express feelings correctly and not offend your partner, to tell about accumulated grievances in a timely manner, since he may not even know what is going on in the heart of a loving person, because no one has yet learned to read other people’s thoughts.

It is important to do this without reproach or shouting, and you must remember that the offense comes from the act, not from the person. And you should also convey that such an act was offensive, and ask not to do it again - an emotionally mature person will understand and will never do that in the future.

• Ability to express wishes and requests. If a person wants his wishes to be fulfilled, he needs to avoid hints and ask directly, politely and in an understandable form. Say thank you in advance, using the word “please” several times, as children do, because this little trick often works.
• Ability to communicate with a negative person. The influence of a negative person can lead to despondency and even depression, deprive one of confidence and lower self-esteem.

That is why you should avoid such a “comrade”, but if you cannot avoid communication, for example, with your boss, then you should adhere to the following recommendations:

• You need to abstract yourself and not take personally the insults that are inflicted on them.
• Remain calm, prove that you are right confidently and with restraint, countering with facts. Usually such people crave a scandal, the same reaction to their anger and anger, but cold restraint can confuse them.

Not only such brawlers have a negative influence on a person, but also another category of people who constantly complain - they suck out all the positive emotions in the same way. You can get tired of communicating with them. The best way is to avoid communicating with such people, or you can try to distract them with interesting news or topic. But you should not tell them about your successes, as this will give a new wave of complaints and a reason for envy.

Etiquette at a party and at the table

Knowing the culture of behavior at a party and at the table will help a person not get into trouble and not be considered ignorant. The following etiquette points are given for those who not only like to host guests, but also often come to visit.

• the owner of the house meets the guests on the threshold and helps them undress, then the hostess accompanies the new arrivals to the table and introduces the guests present;
• guests should be entertained with conversation, but not imposed on topics for communication, and viewing home photos and videos only at the request of all those present;
• It is necessary to ensure that all guests have the necessary cutlery at the table.

• don't be late;
• a cultured and polite guest does not come empty-handed - flowers, a bottle of wine or sweets would be an appropriate gift for the hostess;
• if this is a small dinner or lunch, then you should definitely praise the culinary skills of the hostess; at large receptions this is inappropriate;
• bad form - to sit silently and not communicate with the other guests, you need to maintain a conversation;
• You cannot leave without saying goodbye; you should thank the hosts for the evening and politely say goodbye to the rest of the guests.

• Women sit down at the table first, men help them by pulling up a chair.
• Elbows are not placed on the table - only hands are allowed, and elbows must be pressed together while eating.
• You need to eat slowly, chewing your food thoroughly. Sipping or smacking is not allowed.
• The meat should be cut into small pieces, while holding the knife in the right hand and the fork in the left, eating from the fork. Eating from a knife is unacceptable.
• During breaks between meals, the fork and knife are not left on the tablecloth, but placed crosswise on the plate. Between changing dishes, the fork and knife are also left on an empty plate, but parallel to each other, with the knife placed to the right of the fork.

• Before drinking from a glass, you need to blot your mouth with a napkin so as not to leave greasy stains on it.
• In the case when all the dishes are already on the table, you need to take them only with special utensils designated for each individual dish, and in no case with your own spoon.
• It is unacceptable to use a toothpick at the table.
• You should not talk with your mouth full, or leave the table without chewing your food completely.
• If an attack of sneezing or coughing begins, you need to use a napkin.
• You shouldn’t force your table neighbor to try this or that dish - everyone has their own taste preferences.
• The conversation at the table should be light and pleasant.

Rules for meeting parents

In an effort to make a good impression on the parents of their significant other, people make stupid mistakes. Therefore, when visiting the parents of your loved one, you need to follow the following recommendations:

• Don’t come empty-handed, but also don’t give your partner’s father alcoholic drinks at the first meeting. It’s better to bring flowers to mom or a cake to the table.
• You should not start a conversation first - it is better to wait until they contact you.
• You need to behave modestly, not flatter or praise the interior of the house.
• You shouldn’t refuse treats; you should remember that your future mother-in-law or mother-in-law cooked for you - you need to try to eat a little of everything and praise the hostess.

• There is no need to get carried away with alcohol - it is better to try to hold out one glass of wine longer.
• Girls should not smoke on their first visit to their parents.
• It is necessary to take care of a decent appearance. Guys should wear trousers and a shirt or jeans and a shirt, but never shorts. A girl should avoid short shorts, skirts and dresses with a deep neckline and cutouts.
• You should answer your parents' questions politely, not tell jokes, and avoid making stupid jokes.
• When leaving, you should definitely invite your parents to visit you.

Dressing skills

A pleasant and neat appearance, maintaining personal hygiene are the natural duties of any person. No one will be pleased to communicate with a person who smells unpleasant. Simple things like showering daily, brushing your teeth, and taking care of your skin should be done.

It is important to choose your wardrobe wisely, which should contain things for all occasions.

In this case, it is necessary to take into account the parameters of the figure so that the item fits well and does not seem small, or, conversely, large.

When choosing the color of a thing, you need to rely on the color of your skin, face and eyes. Each person has his own color type:

• Winter– the skin can be almost white or dark, the hair can be black or dark.

• Spring– blond hair and eyes, thin skin, pink lips.

• Summer– light brown, ash-colored hair. Gray, gray-blue, green, light brown eyes. Grayish beige and slightly pink skin tone, pale pink lips.

• Autumn– golden skin, warm shades of eyes (brown, golden, dark brown), hair from golden to red shades.

For winter and summer color types, things in cold shades are well suited, for spring and autumn - warm, pastel ones.

The wardrobe itself is divided into the following categories:

• Everyday. Jeans, T-shirts, shirts, various pullovers and sweaters would be appropriate here. Women can include simple-cut dresses and skirts, and sundresses and shorts in the summer. Such clothes are convenient for meeting with friends, going shopping, taking a walk in the park, or taking children to the circus or museum.

About 100-200 years ago, great attention was paid to issues of ethics and behavior in society when raising boys and girls. Each noble family considered it their duty to hire a tutor for their son and a governess for their daughter, whose main duty was to teach their children not science, but good behavior. At that time, children learned the rules of etiquette and good manners, as they say, with their mother’s milk. Are they needed today? After all, life now makes much more demands on a person related to career achievements and self-improvement than those aimed at forming impeccably courteous relationships between members of society.

Of course, certain etiquette requirements remain. They have become somewhat simplified due to the fast pace of modern life and the abundance of information that must be thought about and used, but they have not disappeared at all. Let's see what kind of person is recognized by the society of the 21st century as polite and well-mannered.

Basic rules of etiquette in society

Norms of behavior in society can be divided into several subsections. These are the rules of conduct:

• at work and business meetings;
• when attending business events;
• at friendly meetings;
• visiting.

The very first thing a person who wants to be considered well-mannered should pay attention to is this. If, for example, you said hello on time, shook hands with a friend according to the rules, hastily jump up every time a female person enters a room, know how to conduct small talk in a low voice, and have even learned to sneeze almost unnoticed by others, but at the same time you wear a stale shirt and shoes cleaned last week - you will never be recognized as a person who knows the rules of etiquette. It has long been customary in society to greet people by their clothes.

They probably noticed it like in films about spies: the main character had just successfully shot back, dodging the bullets of twenty bandits, then crossed a swamp, and then ran for a long time through the entire city, because he urgently needed to get to headquarters with a report, and then In the end, his suit didn’t even wrinkle, his shoes shine as if they were polished, and his hairstyle didn’t get out of place? This is how it should be (ideally, of course) for you.

You should wear a suit and a light shirt to work. Women can add some jewelry, but keep it subtle. Recently, dark-colored jeans have been considered acceptable for men. The main thing is that everything should be clean and ironed.

When entering a room, the person who entered is the first to say hello. If you are at work, then the subordinate should be the first to greet the boss, and the junior should be the first to greet the senior. If a woman is in a subordinate position, whose boss is also younger than her, then he should be the first to greet the lady.

Often in small teams a delicate question arises: is it possible and when can one switch to being on first-name terms with colleagues? Previously, it was believed that this was unacceptable, but current etiquette makes it possible to find a solution to the issue, because calling by name greatly simplifies relationships, makes them more trusting, and therefore the entire team more united. But you should switch to “you” only if it suits everyone and does not create awkwardness.

A business meeting most often takes place over a cup of coffee or lunch. The main rule here is not to be late. You should not talk loudly, interrupt your interlocutors, or “interject” into a conversation between two partners without warning. If you want to say something, you need to ask for forgiveness for having to intervene in the conversation, and only after that make your comment.

At friendly meetings everything is somewhat simpler. The rules of good manners here boil down to saying hello to the company upon entering and subsequently behaving in such a way as not to stand out too much from the general background with your behavior. Smile, be friendly, pull up chairs for the ladies, offer them wine (if it’s already time for a feast).

Do not slander or gossip under any circumstances! In general, don’t talk about those who are absent – ​​unless in a positive way. Discussing other people's shortcomings behind the backs of the “heroes of the occasion” is the height of bad manners.

When visiting, say hello first to the hostess, then to the owner. Wait for your hosts to introduce you to the crowd. In general conversations, avoid topics such as politics, money and religion. What can we talk about? Start with something neutral: nature, weather, travel. Anecdotes are also quite appropriate, but preferably not from the series about Lieutenant Rzhevsky. When saying goodbye, thank the hosts for their warm welcome.

Women and girls should be especially attentive to their own behavior in society. After all, they have to conform to men’s idea of ​​the fair half of humanity as gentle, sophisticated and vulnerable creatures in need of male support. Previously, girls were even specially taught the art of fainting, so that a man would not dare to insult them not only by action, but also simply by an immodest word or look. Those who were especially quick fell in such a way as to fall into the arms of a sympathetic subject, after which they successfully got married.

Fortunately, these days the rules of etiquette for girls have become much simpler. They don’t need to run away or slap the gentleman who dares to use the word “passion” in a conversation. There is no need to coyly, refuse tidbits at the table, pretending that they eat less than a bird of heaven, or leave the male company as soon as business conversations begin. But some postulates in order to become a true lady are still worth learning.

A girl must learn to emphasize her own personality. It is better to choose clothes, makeup, and hairstyle closer to the classics if you have a first date.

Accessories also shouldn’t be brutal.

The girl’s task is to make the young man want to protect and take care of her, and not to drink together “for brotherhood.” Therefore, a skirt or dress, a small handbag, and high-heeled shoes will come in very handy.

It won't be so easy for a girl who has been invited to a restaurant by her gentleman. She should know the following:

• A well-mannered admirer will invite her to study the menu first.
• Before starting dinner, you need to put a napkin on your lap (on your lap).
• You shouldn’t greedily drain a glass of wine - you need to drink it several times in small sips.

Of course, it is unacceptable to slurp (even if the soup or roast turns out to be very tasty), or to spit fish bones even on your own plate (they must be carefully and, if possible, unnoticed, removed from your mouth and simply placed on the plate with your hand). You cannot sit and enthusiastically “cut” a fish or meat dish for several minutes in order, so to speak, to immediately prepare it for consumption. Instead, cut it off little by little as needed. The knife should be held in the right hand, the fork in the left.

In fact, these are not all the rules, but you shouldn’t get too hung up on following them perfectly. And remember: if you make a mistake (for example, accidentally spilling red wine on a gentleman’s white shirt), the main thing is not to get confused. A sweet smile and “Oh, I didn’t mean to!” will help you. If he truly loves you, he will forgive you.

Rules of good manners: a few general comments

In general, modern rules of good manners are simple.

Your task is to be able to learn to harmoniously combine naturalness and politeness.

This politeness should in no case become cloying and intrusive. For example, in public transport a man must give way to a lady. You gave in, she doesn’t want to sit down. Don't insist! However, you are still obliged to offer the lady your seat.

When talking, always be attentive to your interlocutor, listen to him, and only then express your opinion, preferably not in a categorical tone, firmly, but politely. Ask questions, give the person a chance to talk.

Don't be rude in response to rudeness. If you are offended, the best response would be an ironic but calm remark made, or simply ignoring the boor.

If you are walking with a companion and meet an acquaintance with whom you start a conversation, introduce your companion and interlocutor so that both do not feel awkward.

Always carry a perfectly clean handkerchief with you. Do you suddenly sneeze or yawn inadvertently? The scarf will serve an invaluable service.

Well, and finally:

Be optimistic and friendly.

Do not walk around with a gloomy face - this causes negative emotions in others. As they say, smile, be simpler - and people will be drawn to you!

Good manners are the basis for the behavior of a well-mannered person in society. The way of dealing with other people, the expressions used in speech, tone, intonation, gait, gestures and facial expressions are all called manners. Modesty and restraint, the ability to control one’s actions, to communicate carefully and tactfully with other people—it is on these qualities that good manners are based. There are a few basic rules of etiquette that you should adhere to.

Bad manners are considered to be the habit of speaking loudly, without hesitation in expressions, swagger in gestures and behavior, sloppiness in clothing, rudeness, outright hostility towards others, disregard for other people's interests and needs, shameless imposition of one's will and desires on other people. Also - the inability to restrain one’s irritation, deliberate insult to the dignity of people around him, tactlessness and foul language.

Manners relate to the culture of human behavior and are regulated by etiquette. Etiquette implies a benevolent and respectful attitude towards all people, regardless of their position and social status. It includes polite treatment of a woman, respectful attitude towards elders, forms of address and greeting, rules of conversation and behavior at the table. In general, etiquette in a civilized society coincides with the general requirements of politeness, which are based on the principles of humanism.

A prerequisite for communication is delicacy, which should not be excessive. Do not mistake flattery and unjustified praise of what you see or hear for this quality. There is no need to try hard to hide the fact that you are seeing, listening to, tasting something for the first time, for fear of seeming ignorant. Any pretense is repulsive.

The ability to behave correctly in various situations can protect you from an unfriendly attitude, which is, of course, important for any person, and especially when it comes to his business relationships. The exchange of formal courtesies (unless it is outright fawning) is actually not such a banal thing as it seems at first glance. By showing the proper tact, you win over your interlocutor and leave a pleasant impression - that’s the whole axiom.

The idea of ​​excessive complexity of etiquette rules and the desire to simplify relationships is very controversial. Stopping showing each other signs of respect does not mean taking life easier.

Courtesy

When it comes to social events, you should: answer as quickly as possible whether you will come or not; a promise should not be broken except for a very serious reason; and immediately inform the organizer of anything that has anything to do with your participation in the event.

This approach is universal. Of course, a formal breakfast is more important than a party in a pub, but the essence is the same. Call if you are running late or cannot make it at all, even if it is an informal meeting. It may surprise you, but people sometimes worry about you. For example, did you have an accident if you didn't show up for a meeting? Nowadays, with the widespread use of answering machines, you can cowardly call people when you expect them to be absent and leave your apologies on the answering machine.

How to introduce people

There are formal rules about how people should be introduced. There are situations where you certainly must do this with utmost care. More generally, in an ordinary everyday situation or at work, if there is any doubt that someone does not know someone, you should introduce people to each other in the simplest possible way. Of course, you can say more if you want. You can also immediately continue on your way, but you still have to introduce yourself. It is considered very bad form to force your friends to listen to your conversation with someone else without even introducing them to each other.

All this is even more important when it comes to social events. Many people who are otherwise polite and reasonable do a poor job of this task. They believe that introducing people to each other is not their business. Either they are too shy, or they assume that everyone already knows each other; or find it too formal and tedious to introduce everyone by name. However, presentation is so important to the flow of conversation that it doesn't matter who does it. You may introduce your brother and sister to each other by mistake, but remember: it is better to introduce people you already know to each other than not to introduce them at all. Don't assume that everyone already knows each other. This is another example of underestimating one’s own importance: at some public event. You may know virtually no one, but others may know even fewer there. Then you can become a link between the two groups, and it is your responsibility to introduce them.

How to give thanks

What could be more important than this? When I tell people I'm writing a book on etiquette, this is the topic they care about most, and they insist that I cover it. They get hurt by how much other people don't bother to say "Thank you." This feeling is so universal - then who are the people who don’t bother to say thank you? Perhaps people expect words of gratitude from others to a greater extent and react sharply to their absence or insufficiency, while they themselves generally forget to say “Thank you.”

There are a huge number of options in this area, and you have to respect local traditions. However, in general, you should thank people appropriately for almost everything: an invitation (even if you decline it), a gift, a weekend spent visiting someone. You express gratitude immediately, and if the service or gift is very significant, you thank again later - in a letter, or by phone, or in person. (If you are thanking a family or group of people, it is best to do so in writing, since you may not be able to reach everyone by phone.) In some cases, you may want to give a small, symbolic gift. You should never say, “Oh, they probably know how grateful I am to them, so there’s no need to talk about it,” or, “So many people gave me wedding gifts, so I don’t think they expect me to thank each of them in writing.” " Both are completely wrong! I want to emphasize again: you will never make a mistake or offend anyone by expressing gratitude, but you will be wrong if you neglect this simple show of politeness.

Personal habits

There is a general consensus that certain manners and habits are inappropriate. This point of view of people should be taken into account, even if you yourself do not share it. The rules include the following:

1. Use your hand to cover your mouth when you cough or yawn.
2. Use a tissue when you sneeze, or cover your nose with your hand if you don't have time to do otherwise. Don't pick your nose or sniffle.
3. Don't itch or pick anything out from under your nails - such actions create a repulsive impression.

The main idea: you should not do anything that is unpleasant to the people who are forced to watch it.

A little embarrassment

Sometimes it happens that we unwittingly offend someone. No one is immune from mistakes, from accidental tactlessness in conversation or gesture. As a rule, all you need to do is apologize sincerely and the incident will be over. If you have a sense of humor, then perhaps the best way to apologize would be to admit your mistake in a cheerful manner, laughing at yourself. In any case, the moment of tension that has arisen cannot be left unresolved - it will be unpleasant for both you and your interlocutor.

When a person sneezes, you should tell him “be healthy!” even regardless of whether you know him or not.

Cloth

Many people always dress their own way and don't worry about it. For example, they wear jeans with a shirt everywhere - both to work and to a wedding. Others don't leave the bedroom without makeup and high heels. Such people probably have no problem deciding on clothing. The rest of us (this is especially true for women, since men tend to have fewer styles and clothing options and thus are less likely to make mistakes) have to think about this problem. In this case, you need to either follow the rules or think carefully yourself.

If we are talking about a completely official event, then perhaps the invitation will give some recommendations about this, or you can call the organizers and ask - this will be a completely normal and reasonable step. If the event is less formal, it is best to ask the hostess or another guest. When it comes to visiting some fashionable place, it would be correct to ask the owner (or a friend, if he invited you to stay at his parents’ house): “Are we going to change for dinner?” An elegant dress will help a woman in almost any situation. This is more difficult for men, since in some cases a tuxedo will be required for dinner. Usually you will be warned about this in advance, but there is nothing wrong if you ask about it yourself.

If you still can’t figure out how to dress properly for an event, ask yourself: “What clothes seem most appropriate for me in this case?” Some people don't like wearing too little, others don't accept formal style, others absolutely don't want to dress like others... Think carefully about everything and choose your outfit; It may not be perfect, but at least you won't feel uncomfortable.

Old-fashioned good manners and their modern version

There were many traditional rules regarding how men should behave towards women. Today these rules may seem quite old-fashioned. On the one hand, there is nothing wrong with men continuing to show scrupulous politeness to women. Even the most ardent feminists are unlikely to be angry with someone who is simply trying to be polite to them. There is nothing offensive about, for example, having a door opened for a woman. On the other hand, it should not necessarily be considered a sign of rudeness or bad manners for a woman if a modern young man, generally polite and attentive, does not treat her as if she were a porcelain vase and unable to take care of herself.

Old rule: Men always open the door for women.

New rule: The door is opened by the one who goes ahead, or who is stronger, or who is simply more convenient to open it. So, whether you are a man or a woman, hold the door for those who are older than you, or disabled, or carrying a small child or shopping - no matter who is of what gender. You can also go first, but then hold the door on the other side for the person behind you. The one who received this service says: “Thank you.”

Old rule: A man walks around the car (which he is driving) to open the door for a female passenger.

New rule: The driver - male or female - opens the door from the outside for the passenger to sit down. At the end of the trip, the driver opens the door and helps an elderly or disabled passenger exit, but in other cases he may assume that the person can handle this task himself.

Old rule: Men give up their seat to women on public transport.

New rule: Young, healthy people of both sexes give way to elderly or sick people, pregnant women, and people with heavy luggage.

Old rule: Men stand up when a woman enters or leaves a room, and also when she gets up from a table in a restaurant.

New rule: In a restaurant, the host or companion may stand to greet the newcomer, show him his seat, and perhaps pull out a chair. In semi-formal gatherings, when a new person arrives or someone leaves, it is normal for all guests to stand to greet or say goodbye. This avoids dissonance between those who are sitting and those who are standing, which could lead to some awkwardness. Of course, it is quite natural that some will remain seated due to medical problems or due to old age. If someone leaves the room (or table in a restaurant) for a short time, then the rest do not need to get up.

Old rule: A man accompanying a woman walks along the outside side of the sidewalk, that is, from the side of the roadway.

New rule: There is no such thing. Many young people do not even suspect that there was once a rule about this.

Once upon a time, etiquette, that is, the rules of behavior in society, was taught as a subject in schools. The children were taught this by meticulous tutors. Today this word has lost popularity, however, it does not bother anyone to learn at least the basic rules of behavior at the table, in the theater, in society. In the end, this will greatly ease the situation for you.

Some rules of good manners

Let's look at some situations that will help you feel at ease.

1. Table etiquette

Having invited a lady to a restaurant (or other similar place), the gentleman takes care of her outerwear, helps her take off her coat, puts it in the wardrobe, keeps the number for himself, and does not give it to the lady. (By the way, the same applies to a ticket in a theater, cinema, or in transport. Having bought a ticket for a lady, for example, on a bus, a gentleman keeps it until the end of the trip and gives it to the lady only if he does not see her off to the end, but gets off earlier.)

If the table is not booked in advance, then all negotiations with the head waiter are conducted by a man. Having escorted the girl to the table, the man moves a chair for her, after which he takes his place. If the glasses are not filled by the waiter, then a man does it, having first asked permission. When pouring wine, turn the bottle so that drops do not fall on the tablecloth.

If there are several people at the table, then the eldest woman is poured first. If they drink champagne, then the man pouring it starts with himself, pouring a few drops into his glass, then the eldest lady, then you can simply go in a circle, finishing with your glass.

If you are in a very fancy restaurant where they serve a lot of utensils, for example, there are several forks and knives near the plate, then you start with those that are further from the plate. If the purpose of some devices is not clear to you, then there is nothing wrong with asking the waiter.

If there are unfamiliar people at the table, then it is better to conduct conversations on general topics and not discuss mutual friends. It is not necessary to finish everything that is on the plate, just as it is not necessary to leave pieces. To show the waiter that the plate can be taken away, place the cutlery on the plate “at five o’clock,” that is, approximately where the small hand on the dial is at five o’clock.

2. Etiquette in communication

When introducing yourself to a company, state your name clearly and clearly if no one has introduced you. It is not necessary to shake hands if there are a lot of people, however, if you have done one handshake, you will have to go around everyone present.

Only a woman can give a gloved hand, and only if the glove is thin and not, for example, a knitted mitten.

It happens that a person’s hand is busy or, for example, dirty if he is caught at work, and he holds it out to be shaken on the wrist. This is actually unacceptable.

When greeting, the one who is younger says the greeting first. If we are talking about a man and a woman, then the man greets first. If you are greeted with the words “good afternoon,” then it is rude to respond with the word “good,” you should respond with the full phrase “good afternoon.”

Now let's imagine the following picture: a group of men is standing, a familiar (or unfamiliar) lady approaches them or (passes by). Who should greet first, men or women? The first word of greeting is said by the one who approaches, regardless of whether it is one person or a group, a man or a woman. The one or those who are on the spot respond to the greeting.

"Hush!" James Tissot, 1875

3. Basics of good manners for every day

The rules of good manners in everyday life include the usual courtesy in communication, the absence of grumbling, endless complaints, the ability to say hello without unnecessary demonstrations, express sympathy, congratulate on the holiday, wish good health, thank and respond to gratitude.

Such rules require that those entering and exiting hold the door, regardless of whether he is walking alone or with someone. If a man follows a girl, then he always lets her go ahead, with the exception of exiting the elevator, going down the stairs from a ship, exiting an airplane or public transport.

L. Afremov

Some prim manners have become obsolete today. For example, it used to be considered correct that a man, having put a woman in a car, closes the car door behind her, and only after that goes to his place. Having arrived at the place, the driver gets up, walks around the car, opens the door, and helps the lady get out. In our time, filled with cars and saturated with haste, it is difficult to imagine people who would be willing and able to fulfill these requirements.

4. How do etiquette rules apply to children?

Just a few years ago, books on education taught young parents that children should not enter into conversations with adults without permission, should not interrupt, and should not speak to guests until they are asked. Today, many teachers believe that this interferes with the development of the child as an individual, that he has the same rights in conversation as an adult. This can be accepted if a child, even a small one, communicates as an adult. But if he whines, cries, tries to manipulate, then this is very annoying. Therefore, parents should limit - not so much the child’s freedom, but their own - by taking care of their own child so that it does not become a burden to others.

All this also applies to those moments when parents and their baby visit restaurants, cafes, museums, and use public transport. The ability to occupy your child so that he feels good and at the same time does not bother others is good manners, as opposed to trying to explain: “This is a child, what can I do with him.”

Should you make comments to someone else's child? No! If you are completely unbearable, then you can make a remark in a very polite form to the child’s parents. But at the same time, you must remember that making a remark is not good manners.

And most importantly, do not forget that the child first of all sees and repeats the behavior of his parents. Don't forget the golden words "Thank you", "Please" and be polite!

In modern society, lately people have often begun to talk about the rules of etiquette. What is this concept? Where did it originate? What are its features and types? It is etiquette and its importance in society that will be discussed in the article.

Origin of the concept and its meaning

The established norms of moral behavior in society are the result of a long process of forming relationships between people. In the modern world, economic, cultural, and political relationships are impossible without observing generally accepted norms and rules of behavior, because you cannot exist in society without respecting each other.

The main types of etiquette are: court, diplomatic, military, general. Most of the rules are the same, but the diplomatic one is given great importance, since deviation from its norms can harm the prestige of the country and complicate its relations with other states.

Rules of behavior are established in many areas of human life, and depending on them, etiquette is divided into:

• business;
• speech;
• dining room;
• universal;
• religious;
• professional;
• wedding;
• festive and so on.

General rules of etiquette in specific situations

Greeting is the very first and main rule of behavior for a cultured person; since ancient times it has been a criterion of a person’s upbringing. The world has celebrated Greetings Day every year for more than 40 years.

The second main rule of etiquette is mastery of communication culture. Her skills and ability to conduct a conversation allow her to achieve what she wants and conduct a competent and polite dialogue with people.

Currently, telephone conversations are the most common form of communication among the population, therefore telephone etiquette, or the ability to conduct this kind of conversation, plays a great importance in society. When talking on the phone, it is customary to clearly express your thoughts and be able to stop in time to give the interlocutor an opportunity to speak. Some companies provide special training to employees in the ability to conduct telephone conversations.

Good manners are the main component of cultural communication, some of them are taught to us from childhood, and the rest we learn in everyday adult life.

The essence of etiquette and its importance in society

From a practical point of view, the importance of etiquette is that it allows people to use forms of politeness to communicate with other people.

Of great importance in communication is a person’s appearance, the ability to behave correctly in public places, when visiting, on holidays.

The manner of speaking and the ability to tactfully conduct a conversation are of considerable importance. To be a good conversationalist, you need to know what you are talking about and be able to express your thoughts in such a way that they are interesting to your interlocutor.

You need to be able to manage your negative emotions and negative mood. According to the rules of etiquette, the best way to defeat negativity is a human smile.

Society values ​​the ability to listen to an interlocutor, attention and attentiveness, the ability to come to the rescue in a timely manner and provide a service to someone who needs it.

Based on a person’s behavior, his skills and style of communication with other people, one can easily determine the level of his upbringing.

So what is etiquette? This is a set of rules and behavior generally accepted in society, as well as a culture of actions. The established rules of communication and behavior of people reflect their lifestyle, living conditions, customs, therefore etiquette is also the national culture of the state.