What to say to a person who has lost a loved one? Magic words that will console you in any trouble

It takes a lot of patience to calm an angry person. When a person is boiling, saying “calm down” can only make the situation worse. Listening carefully to the person and suggesting some good distractions will benefit both of you. However, if his anger is explosive and unpredictable, walk away from the person without attempting to appeal to his reason. If the angry person doesn't accept your apology, it's often best to give them some space and walk away.

Steps

Keep calm

Don't argue. If someone reaches a boiling point, responding with equal anger will only make the situation worse. Focus on staying calm, otherwise things will quickly escalate into an argument. Of course, this means that you have to be completely impersonal, just try to keep your emotions under control.

Try not to get into a defensive position. When a person is angry, he is unlikely to speak in a calm tone. In such a situation, there is a danger of taking his behavior personally and becoming defensive. When dealing with an angry person, remember that the anger most likely has nothing to do with you. Separate his emotions from yours - this way you can help the person without taking his anger personally.

Stay in the present tense. Angry people often bring up situations or conversations from the past, especially if they are trying to provoke your emotions. Try to counter this by staying focused on the moment and the solution to the problem at hand. Don't allow yourself to wallow in rage over past events.

• If you feel like the conversation is drifting into the past, try saying something like, “We can talk about this later. For now, I think we should focus on what's upsetting you at the moment and find a way out of the situation. Let’s do everything one by one.”

1. Stay calm and cool. If a person screams or loses his temper, allow him to let off steam, but at the same time remain calm or silent (this will be best). If you do speak, do not raise your voice. If you are silent, try to maintain a neutral facial expression and open body language. You will be better able to control yourself if you do not react to the “provocations” of a raging person.

   • There's a difference between letting someone blow off steam and being the victim of verbal abuse. If a person reproaches you, calls you names, or unjustly lashes out at you, you may want to say something like, “I understand that you're upset, and I want to support you. But please don’t take it out on me.”

2. Use good listening skills. When people are emotional, they want to be understood. Really listen to the person's words. Make eye contact, nod if necessary, and ask questions to learn more. The process of conversation and the feeling of being heard will help a person calm down.

   • Of course, sometimes angry people don't want to be asked questions, and they may be so angry that they don't believe anyone can truly understand them. All you can do is try your best. If a person is not in the mood for heart-to-heart conversations, do not force him to do so.

3. Acknowledge his feelings. In fact, sometimes anger hides another emotion, such as resentment, embarrassment, or sadness. Whatever the reason for your anger, listen to the person and acknowledge their feelings (but don't necessarily agree with them). You should also refrain from being judgmental, as it may come through in your words or body language, showing a lack of support on your part.

   • Here are some things you can say to acknowledge someone's feelings: “Yes, it's not easy,” or “I understand how upset you are.”
   • But such expressions are unlikely to be useful: “You should let it go,” or: “I had the same thing, and I got over it.”

4. Show empathy. Empathy can take the form of understanding a person's point of view, being genuinely saddened by other people's misfortunes, and being able to sympathize with their emotions. To show empathy towards an angry person, you can show that you are listening to him and understand what he is saying.

   • To be more understanding of an angry person, try rephrasing the source of their anger. You can say: “You say that you are angry because you think that you have to do all the household chores alone.”
   • You may want to say, “I understand how you feel,” but be aware that this can sometimes make the person even more angry. He may believe that no one truly understands what he is experiencing.

5. Lighten the situation with humor. You'll likely need to understand the situation or know the angry person pretty well to know if this technique will work. Humor can effectively combat anger because it changes chemical processes in the body. If you make a joke or stop and point out something funny about the situation, making both of you laugh, you can lighten the situation and potentially cool the person down.

6. Give him some space. Some people need to vent, while others prefer to process their emotions alone. If you feel like the idea of ​​talking is making the person even more angry, it's best to give them some space and time. Most people need at least 20 minutes to calm down, while others need even longer.

   • If you think the person needs some time alone, try saying, “I understand that you're angry, but I don't think I can help you with this. I think you need to be alone for a few minutes. I’ll be nearby if you need to talk.”

Now let's move on to the more practical side - communication...

Have you often encountered a problem when your friend or loved one is depressed, and you don’t know what to tell him or how to help him overcome this condition? It is very difficult to find the right words in such a situation, because a person may react incorrectly and even inadequately. Below are the most effective words that will help you support a loved one in difficult times.

Phrases that make it clear that you care about a person:

What can I do for you?

All written sources describing this problem advise SHOWING, not TELLING. Words are not all that is helpful to a person struggling with depression.

So, what I find most comforting at a time when it is impossible to gather my thoughts is a friend coming over and preparing lunch for me, or someone offering to tidy up my place. Believe me, practical care is a great support for a person facing grief or suffering from depression. Why not go and check on a person who has completely lost his mood?

Actions are very effective when, when communicating, you express compassion to the interlocutor in a practical way. Even if he is too humble to accept such help, I can assure you that he will place your words in that secret corner of his soul that will remind him: “This person cares about me.”

Maybe there is something that could help you feel better?

Talk to the person about something that once brought them joy, or about something new that could bring them joy. Perhaps he himself will not have an answer to this question, or perhaps he will remember something that could cheer him up now, but he is not able to implement it. Then you can give him this support and help him do something that will lift his spirits.

Brew him tea, be close, don’t say unnecessary words, encourage him to have a confidential conversation.

Do you want me to accompany you?

Maybe a person has been used to being alone for a long time and has not even thought about the fact that someone might be nearby when he needs to go shopping or get to some place. Moreover, no one accompanied him home. You can offer such support, it will show that you really care about the person and do not want to leave him alone with his thoughts.

Such actions will say more than just the words “I’m nearby”, “I’m with you”, “You can count on me”, because you are really nearby and you can really be counted on!

Do you find support in anyone?

These words say: “You need support. Let's find a way to get it."

This question will help you understand whether a person is surrounded by support from loved ones or whether he is left to his own devices. If you know that someone is trying to support him, but he himself does not talk about it or does not notice the support as such, then this will help you understand what is important to the person, what helps him and what does not.

The more loved ones show such care, the better for a person. If you know that he feels alone in his trouble and does not receive the support of loved ones, talk to them. Let them know how important it is for them to connect and be there for you during this difficult time.

You should also not forget that you can seek help from specialists if the person himself does not mind. I think this is not the first method of help, but if you yourself cannot help a person, it is better to entrust this to professionals. Again, only with the consent of the person. He needs to be helped to understand that depression is a serious and dangerous disease, but it is completely correctable, especially if the person himself understands this and is ready to fight.

This will definitely end and you will feel the same as before.

These words do not judge, do not impose anything, and do not manipulate. They simply give hope, and that HOPE will keep a person alive, or at least motivate him to live until the next day to see if there really is light at the end of the tunnel.

This is not a simple and seemingly indifferent “This will pass”, “It happens and not so.” Such words show that you really care about what is happening in a person’s life, wish him and you sincerely believe that this will soon pass.

Make it clear that this is just a disease, a treatable condition, after which there is a happy life. Everything will not end with such experiences and emotions.

What do you think about most?

This question will help determine the possible cause of depression, what causes the most concern and occupies a person’s thoughts. You explore all possible causes, but don't settle on just one. When a person draws his own conclusions through such a conversation, he will take responsibility for what can be changed.

Perhaps your loved one now really needs a person who knows how to listen and encourage conversation with the right questions. Be gentle during this time and be prepared to listen more than you speak, and even be silent at the right time.

What time of day is the most difficult for you?

Try to find out when your loved one’s depressing thoughts are most disturbing and be as close as possible at this time. Don't leave him alone. Even when he doesn’t want to talk, believe me, over time this presence of yours will bring extraordinary fruits and healing.

Calling at the right time, the willingness of the other to wait until the time when he wants to talk about the problem, simply being present is very valuable! If you are nearby, hug the person, make tea, sit next to them and just be ready to help with all your being. In the most difficult times, you are there. And most importantly, they are constant.

I'm here to help you.

This is what you can say to confirm all the actions that you are already doing for a person. There is no need to throw around such words if this is not the case. But if it is true, backed up by deeds, it gives strength. It's simple. It is necessary. And in these words there is everything you need to say: I care, although I cannot fully understand everything, but I love and support you.

Silence.

This is the most inconvenient because we always want to fill the silence with something, even if it's talking about the weather. But saying nothing... and just listening... is sometimes the best and most appropriate answer in a given case.

Be sensitive and attentive. Don't chat in vain. Be closer to a person’s heart, it can understand without words.

How can you be ready to provide such support?

Supporting someone during a difficult time is not easy for the person providing the support. Firstly, because you may not know exactly how to help a person. Secondly, because you are simply worried about him, and yes, you also hurt somewhere inside from his pain!

In advance, stock up on patience and love, be prepared to wait as long as necessary. You won't always understand everything. This is not required of you. But if you are there and support and express your care in every possible way, you can do it.

But this requires a certain dedication. We are not always ready to invest so much in someone. To do this you need to really love.

Help a person find meaning in life. If you yourself are confused about this issue, we can talk about it with you. After all, there is nothing more important than the state of the human soul and the contribution we can make to relationships.

Tim Lawrence, a psychotherapist and journalist, wrote an article in which he talks about how you can really help a person experiencing grief. He warns that you need to be more careful with common phrases that are usually uttered for support - they can hurt even more.

We are publishing an article by Tim, who himself experienced the loss of loved ones at a young age and knows what we really need in difficult times.

I listen to a psychotherapist friend of mine talk about his patient. A woman was in a terrible accident, she is in constant pain and her limbs are paralyzed. I've heard this story ten times already, but one thing always shocks me. He told the poor woman that the tragedy had led to positive changes in her life.

“Everything in life happens for a reason,” these are his words. It amazes me how deeply ingrained this platitude is, even among psychotherapists. These words hurt and hurt cruelly. He wants to say that the incident forces the woman to grow spiritually. And I think this is complete nonsense. The accident broke her life and destroyed her dreams - that's what happened and there is absolutely nothing good about it.

Most importantly, this mindset prevents us from doing the only thing we should do when we are in trouble: grieve. My teacher Megan Devine says it well: “Some things in life cannot be fixed. This can only be experienced".

We grieve not only when someone close to us dies. We indulge in sadness when loved ones pass away, when hopes are dashed, when a serious illness strikes. The loss of a child and the betrayal of a loved one cannot be corrected - it can only be experienced.

If you are in trouble and someone tells you the following well-worn phrases: “everything that doesn’t happen is for the best”, “this will make you better and stronger”, “it was predestined”, “nothing happens for nothing”, “you need to take responsibility for your life”, “everything will be fine” - you can safely cross this person out of your life.

When we say things like this to our friends and family, even with the best of intentions, we are denying them the right to mourn, be sad, and be sad. I myself have experienced a huge loss, and I am haunted every day by the guilt that I am still alive, but my loved ones are no longer alive. My pain didn't go away, I just learned how to channel it through working with patients and understand them better.

But under no circumstances would it have occurred to me to say that this tragedy was a gift of fate that helped me grow spiritually and professionally. To say this is to trample on the memory of loved ones whom I lost too early, and those who faced a similar misfortune, but could not cope with it. And I'm not going to pretend that it was easy for me because I'm strong, or that I became "successful" because I was able to "take charge of my life."

Modern culture treats grief as a problem to be fixed, or as a disease to be cured. We do everything to drown out, repress our pain or somehow transform it. And when you suddenly face misfortune, the people around you turn into walking platitudes.

So what should you say to friends and family who are in trouble, instead of “everything in life is not accidental”? The last thing a person crushed by misfortune needs is advice or guidance. The most important thing is understanding.

Literally say the following: “I know you’re hurting. I am here with you".

This means that you are willing to be there and suffer with your loved one - and this is incredibly powerful support.

There is nothing more important for people than understanding. It does not require any special skills or training, it is simply a willingness to be nearby and stay nearby as long as necessary.

Stay close. Just be there, even when you feel uncomfortable or feel like you're not doing anything useful. In fact, it is precisely when you are uncomfortable that you should make an effort to stay close.

“I know you're hurting. I'm near".

We so rarely allow ourselves to enter this gray zone - the zone of horror and pain - but this is where the roots of our healing lie. It begins when there are people who are ready to go there with us.

I ask you to do this for your loved ones. You may never know it, but your help will be invaluable. And if you ever get into trouble, find someone willing to be there for you. I guarantee he will be found.

Everyone else can go.

It is safe to say that in the life of every person there are unpleasant moments that cause unpleasant emotions. It is the emotional side that is a reflection of the worldview of a particular person. People tend to react completely differently to certain life events. This fact is influenced by characteristics of temperament, upbringing, degree of self-hypnosis and a number of other circumstances. On the other hand, the approach to each specific person requires special attention.

Any careless word can break the will of a person who, with all his penchant for self-hypnosis, is intolerant of various kinds of criticism. At the same time, there is a certain type of people who do not want to perceive the pity of others as a positive feeling. Someone is more inclined to solitude, which allows him to once again analyze the situation and come to a certain conclusion.

Some people experience fear of the unknown and seek support from others. However, there are certain conditional rules that are mainly used by psychologists during sessions with patients, but which ordinary people should also learn in order to help themselves and their loved ones at the right time. It is necessary to follow the tactics of communicating with people who find themselves in a difficult situation in order not only not to add unnecessary stress to them through incorrect phrases or incorrectly expressed thoughts, but first of all to be able to help find a way out of the situation and smooth out the wave of worries.

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What should you not say to someone who is experiencing grief?

First of all, it is important not to concentrate a person’s attention on his difficult situation, once again recalling unpleasant events and facts. Even if it is known that a person experiencing unpleasant moments in his life is a fairly strong and resilient person, capable of coping with any difficulties. Often, a person’s internal weakness is so carefully disguised under a shell of self-confidence that others mistakenly perceive him as a very strong, reliable person with practically indestructible strong-willed qualities. Self-confidence is often perceived as undoubted self-confidence. At the same time, even the most persistent person can turn out to be quite weak and quite vulnerable. The loss of a loved one is especially difficult for all people.

You should not impose your thoughts on how a person who finds himself in a tragic situation should behave. Most likely, he will be irritated that they are trying to teach him at such a difficult time for him. A strong personality will most likely react with aggression, which is understandable, and therefore there is no point in being offended and leaving. People experiencing grief focus all their attention on this event, so that they can forget about those around them, with whom they were at. We must remember that this is a temporary situation, since any, even the saddest story, has a climax and denouement. Not a single person on earth can remain at the peak of his own experiences indefinitely; this can lead to sad consequences.

As you know, stress adversely affects both physical and mental health of a person. Against the background of stress caused by grief, a number of gastrointestinal diseases can occur, migraines may occur, and immunity may decrease.

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It is not uncommon for people to go crazy after the death of a loved one.

(This is especially true for mothers who have lost their children). Experts consider madness as one of the ways to mobilize the body's defenses. Since a person cannot be in a state of stress for a long time, when, due to the lability of the nervous system, he cannot help but think about the grief he has experienced, changes occur in his psyche. Such people seem to begin to live in another dimension. They find in the world of illusions what they lacked in real life. There are cases when mothers who have lost babies refuse to believe what happened, and continue to swaddle the dolls, seriously believing that these are their children.

A person who experiences severe psychological trauma as a result of a tragedy may simply fall into a stupor, without reacting in any way to the words and actions of others. This is also a kind of self-defense of the body. At such a moment, he does not so much calm down as he does not perceive reality in all its details. You should not try to “stir up” the sufferer at such moments. First of all, this will not give any result, but on the other hand, any attempts to bring him to his senses and force him to go, for example, for a walk, may look ridiculous and carry practically no positivity.

We should not forget that at such a moment a person experiences grief, which in his mind has a global scale. The desire of friends to cheer him up and lift his spirits (with jokes, anecdotes, funny incidents) will be perceived as “a feast during the plague,” that is, you can automatically fall into the category of enemies who rejoice in the misfortune of others.

Under no circumstances should a saddened person be reproached for his weakness and told examples of how other people easily and quickly experience such moments and then switch to everyday worries. This can cause an unpleasant impression and sound in the mind of such a person as an attempt to accuse him of being filled with grief. In addition, there is a risk of becoming a person who does not understand someone else's misfortune. It is possible that a grief-stricken person will say this directly, in a harsh tone, and subsequently refuse to communicate.

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There is no need to openly feel sorry for a person if he is not tolerant of various types of pity

At the same time, one cannot demonstrate complete indifference. It will be much easier for a person who has experienced grief if he feels spiritual support and understanding, which is expressed in the fact that his friends and relatives are experiencing grief with him and understand his situation. It is necessary to very subtly grasp the slightest direction of thought of such a person. Often victims refuse to take sedatives or other medications, convincing themselves that there is no point in doing so because they have no desire to live.

If it is obvious that memories of the image of a departed person do not cause him additional suffering, and he wants to talk about it, you must listen to him carefully, without inserting any additional remarks, except confirmation that he is understood and his emotions are close to others. Such a person should not be left alone. It will be much better if some friends or close relatives express a desire to stay with him.

Many people are positive, their presence in itself evokes warm feelings, and spontaneity makes you forget about everything, even the most difficult and sad moments. However, it should be taken into account that a grief-stricken person may not control himself, and therefore may burst into tears in the presence of children, which can adversely affect their mental health. In addition, children are very sensitive to the mood of adults.

If a person is experiencing grief, this does not mean that he needs to give him the gift of an additional pet. The reaction may not be entirely predictable. But at the same time, it is possible that he will be able to get a little distracted by the sight of his favorite felling trees or guinea pigs.

By the way, the reaction of people who have lost a pet who has already become a full-fledged pet is not the same. Some strive to immediately acquire an animal that is similar in all respects to the previous deceased animal. Others, on the contrary, prefer animals of other colors so that they do not remind of the tragedy. The third category of people generally do not consider it right to purchase an animal after experiencing grief, because they are not sure that they will be able to survive the loss of a new pet.

What should you say to a person who considers himself a failure?

• It would be more correct to pose the question: what should not be said to a person who has experienced failure and then considers his life in vain. You can give a lot of advice on this matter, but the right option would be an individual approach to the situation. Each person reacts differently to the same words. If, for example, the phrase “calm down, everything will be fine” can be perceived by an optimist as confirmation of his own thoughts, then an avid pessimist and skeptic can perceive it as ridicule. There is no point in being offended if the answer is similar to the words: “You decided to laugh at me?! Where will everything be fine? This peculiarity of reaction to a reality that is not always triumphant is characteristic of people who are unsure of their abilities, who always tend to see the negative in everything. They experience any difficulties very hard, and due to the fact that this greatly frightens them and stops them halfway, they cannot achieve high results in any business.
• If a person who considers himself to have suffered from a situation that deprived him of his laurels in a certain field of activity begins to be reproached for not showing enough persistence and softening up at the most crucial moment, you can not only lose a friend, but also suddenly become almost enemy. Deep down, people who are not prone to self-criticism blame everyone and everything for their failures. They blame the circumstances and the people who met along the way at that moment, but not themselves. Often they prefer to blame other people for any defeat and then talk about it. In this case, you can carefully
• Listen, and then very tactfully and carefully try to dissect the situation, noting the point at which they were unable to keep the situation under control. But under no circumstances should you talk about it directly. It must be emphasized that this is not the last chance. You can give examples of several episodes from your own life. And although personal example is not always acceptable to others, it can somewhat encourage the spirit of someone who has lost it. Sometimes the confidence that you are not the only one who has suffered a failure gives you strength and helps you cope with your inferiority complex.

How to help overcome anxiety?

People are so prone to worry that sometimes it is much easier to try to calm down your friend than to cope with your own emotions. Parents are constantly worried about the behavior of their children, adult children are worried about the health of their middle-aged parents, each person, in turn, from young to old, is worried about upcoming events. Thus, a school student is worried at the sight of a strict examiner, a company employee is worried about whether he will be appointed to head a department, a graduate student spends the night going over in his thoughts the possible events of the upcoming dissertation defense.

Of course, anxiety in no way has a positive effect on situations that call for it. On the contrary, during a period of excitement, a person wastes colossal reserves of strength and energy that could be used in the right direction. Thus, a student’s surge of excitement prevents him from remembering the formula he crammed all night, and the most diligent employee of the company does not dare to have a serious conversation with his boss about raising his salary. It turns out that anxiety can strike at the most crucial moments, successfully ruining all the plans people have in mind.

Can you find the right words to calm an anxious friend or loved one? This is a rather responsible mission that requires caution, attentiveness and sensitivity. Most people when they try to interfere in their lives and dictate their own rules. They may perceive any advice as interference “in someone else’s business.” In some cases, such support may cause the following reaction: “You don’t understand such issues at all, that’s why you don’t understand my anxiety!” It is important to ask the person first if they need help. If he is inclined to talk frankly about the reasons for the excitement, you can analyze the situation in detail in a more attractive form for him.

For someone with a sense of humor, a suitable option is when he can imagine his strict boss or teacher in an unsightly form, for example, with green hair or in funny clothes. But the main thing is not to overdo it, so that the student, remembering the jokes, does not burst into laughter at the most inopportune moment. If a person is not prone to jokes, you can encourage him that with his abilities and intelligence he will definitely achieve anything. At the same time, psychologists do not recommend using the particle “ Not", and also not to remind the word " excitement».

Which ones are not worth it? the site will tell you how to provide moral support to a person in a difficult situation.

Grief is a human reaction that occurs as a result of some kind of loss, for example, after the death of a loved one.

4 stages of grief

A person experiencing grief goes through 4 stages:

• Shock phase. Lasts from a few seconds to several weeks. It is characterized by disbelief in everything that is happening, insensibility, low mobility with periods of hyperactivity, loss of appetite, and problems with sleep.
• Suffering phase. Lasts from 6 to 7 weeks. Characterized by weakened attention, inability to concentrate, memory and sleep disturbances. The person also experiences constant anxiety, a desire to be alone, and lethargy. Stomach pain and a feeling of a lump in the throat may occur. If a person experiences the death of a loved one, then during this period he may idealize the deceased or, on the contrary, experience anger, rage, irritation or guilt towards him.
• Acceptance phase ends a year after the loss of a loved one. Characterized by restoration of sleep and appetite, the ability to plan your activities taking into account the loss. Sometimes a person still continues to suffer, but attacks occur less and less often.
• Recovery phase begins after a year and a half, grief gives way to sadness and a person begins to relate to the loss more calmly.

Is it necessary to console a person? Undoubtedly yes. If the victim is not given help, this can lead to infectious diseases, heart diseases, alcoholism, accidents, and depression. Psychological help is priceless, so support your loved one as best you can. Interact with him, communicate. Even if it seems to you that the person is not listening to you or is not paying attention, do not worry. The time will come when he will remember you with gratitude.

Should you console strangers? If you feel enough moral strength and desire to help, do it. If a person doesn’t push you away, doesn’t run away, doesn’t scream, then you’re doing everything right. If you are not sure that you can comfort the victim, find someone who can do it.

Is there a difference in consoling people you know and people you don't know? Actually, no. The only difference is that you know one person more, another less. Once again, if you feel empowered, then help. Stay nearby, talk, involve in common activities. Don't be greedy for help, it is never superfluous.

So, let's consider methods of psychological support in the two most difficult stages of grief.

Shock phase

Your behavior:

• Don't leave the person alone.
• Touch the victim unobtrusively. You can take your hand, put your hand on your shoulder, pat your loved ones on the head, or hug. Monitor the victim's reaction. Does he accept your touch or does he push away? If it pushes you away, don’t impose yourself, but don’t leave.
• Make sure that the person being consoled rests more and does not forget about meals.
• Keep the victim occupied with simple activities, such as some funeral work.
• Listen actively. A person may say strange things, repeat himself, lose the thread of the story, and keep returning to emotional experiences. Avoid advice and recommendations. Listen carefully, ask clarifying questions, talk about how you understand him. Help the victim simply talk through his experiences and pain - he will immediately feel better.

Your words:

• Talk about the past in the past tense.
• If you know the deceased, tell him something good about him.

You can't say:

• “You can’t recover from such a loss”, “Only time heals”, “You are strong, be strong.” These phrases can cause additional suffering to a person and increase his loneliness.
• “Everything is God’s will” (helps only deeply religious people), “I’m tired of it,” “He will be better there,” “Forget about it.” Such phrases can greatly hurt the victim, since they sound like a hint to reason with their feelings, not to experience them, or even completely forget about their grief.
• “You are young, beautiful, you will get married/have a child.” Such phrases can cause irritation. A person experiences a loss in the present, he has not yet recovered from it. And he is asked to dream.
• “If only the ambulance had arrived on time,” “If only the doctors had paid more attention to her,” “If only I hadn’t let him in.” These phrases are empty and do not carry any benefit. Firstly, history does not tolerate the subjunctive mood, and secondly, such expressions only intensify the bitterness of loss.

Suffering phase

Your behavior:

• In this phase, the victim can already be given the opportunity to be alone from time to time.
• Give the victim plenty of water. He should drink up to 2 liters per day.
• Organize physical activity for him. For example, take him for a walk, do physical work around the house.
• If the victim wants to cry, do not stop him from doing so. Help him cry. Don't hold back your emotions - cry with him.
• If he shows anger, don’t interfere.

Your words:

How to comfort a person: the right words

• If your ward wants to talk about the deceased, bring the conversation to the area of ​​​​feelings: “You are very sad/lonely”, “You are very confused”, “You cannot describe your feelings.” Tell me how you feel.
• Tell me that this suffering will not last forever. And loss is not a punishment, but a part of life.
• Do not avoid talking about the deceased if there are people in the room who are extremely worried about this loss. Tactfully avoiding these topics hurts more than mentioning the tragedy.

You can't say:

• “Stop crying, pull yourself together”, “Stop suffering, everything is over” - this is tactless and harmful to psychological health.
• “And someone has it worse than you.” Such topics can help in situations of divorce, separation, but not the death of a loved one. You cannot compare one person's grief with another's. Conversations that involve comparison can give the person the impression that you don't care about their feelings.

There is no point in telling the victim: “If you need help, contact/call me” or asking him “How can I help you?” A person experiencing grief may simply not have the strength to pick up the phone, call and ask for help. He may also forget about your offer.

To prevent this from happening, come and sit with him. As soon as the grief subsides a little, take him for a walk, take him to the store or to the cinema. Sometimes this has to be done by force. Don't be afraid to seem intrusive. Time will pass and he will appreciate your help.

How to support someone if you are far away?

Call him. If he doesn't answer, leave a message on his answering machine, write an SMS or an email. Express your condolences, communicate your feelings, share memories that characterize the deceased from the brightest sides.

Remember that it is necessary to help a person survive grief, especially if this is a person close to you. In addition, this will help not only him to cope with the loss. If the loss also affected you, by helping another, you yourself will be able to experience grief more easily, with less damage to your own mental state. And this will also save you from feelings of guilt - you won’t reproach yourself for the fact that you could have helped, but didn’t, brushing aside other people’s troubles and problems.